URNotAlone

Baby Steps

May 21st, 2008 6:46 pm MDT

I got a great email from a girl the other day.  After reading my reply, I figured it could possibly help some girls out there, so here's the exchange ... "M" from New Hampshire writes … I have to ask you:  do you ever wake up in your nightgown, with that body and those boobs and ask yourself, “how did I get here?”   OMG, Michelle … I ask myself this all the time.  As a matter of fact, I was driving the other day with my friend Dina and we talked about this very topic.  It’s like, “how did I end up in a miniskirt with my tits hanging out in downtown Boston in the middle of the day?”  I guess the answer is … it just sort of happens over time.  Becoming a t-girl doesn’t happen overnight.  Sure, it’s possible to cross-dress in one day.  But there’s so much more to it than that.  Dressing is just the paint job.  It’s the whole mentality that is truly the engine.  It’s the way you feel, how you portray yourself, the things you believe in.  It’s the walk, the talk, the movements.  These things can’t be forced.  They need to be discovered and developed over time.    It’s a series of the tiniest little baby steps that add up to a long journey.  I can’t believe I’m here today, just as I couldn’t believe it when I was at the mall for the first time or a snazzy restaurant or whatever.  It just slowly builds.   I will say this:  the only way to truly grow is to take a very small step outside of your comfort zone as often as possible.  I advise to take a real small step because stepping too far causes failure, and failure is a t-girl dish best served in small doses.  Otherwise the girl gets discouraged and that leads to more failures and the vicious cycle begins.    Take a small step though, and you provide yourself with a reasonable chance of success in a situation you haven’t been in before.  That builds confidence.  It also allows you to use relatable experience when you’re outside your box.  Here’s an example:   Take the straight club.  They can be tricky at first, because if you’re “made” it can be tough to take.  So, if you’re comfortable being out and about at the t-friendly places, slide into a straight club on a Wednesday or some night where you’re not packed in with wall to wall people.  Find a boot or a seat at the bar and take it in.  Get to know the bartender and the staff a bit.  Learn where the bathroom is.  Then sip your drink and leave.    You came.  You saw.  You conquered.    That way if you end up there on a Friday or Saturday night, you have a chance to make it.  You may recognize a friendly staff member’s face.  They may recognize yours.  You’ll know where the bathroom is. Basically, you’ll look and more importantly feel like you belong a little bit.  This will keep your confidence up and just might lead to a successful night in a potentially highly stressful environment.    Conversely, walking in cold, without the Wednesday dry run, sets you up for a much higher chance of failure.   I got a bit off track here, but the basic point of all of this is:  yes, I often wonder how the hell I got here – until I think about all the little things I’ve done to make it work.  When I do that, it allows me to understand it all a lot better.   This is a journey.  Take your time.  If you do, you’ll be surprised how far you get. xoxo Danielle