Journal Entries for Valentina Simmons
Charitable Contributions
October 18th, 2006 5:48 am MDT
This is one of those times of the year where many large companies give their employees a chance to have a charitable payroll deduction. My company allows us to choose who will get some or all of that money.This year, I chose to give a portion of my deduction to a GLBT organization. I've always wanted to do that, but because I was hiding in a closet I could never bring myself to see if that was even an option.GLBT organziations need your financial support! They do a lot of good. We hear about things like AIDS awareness and health support, but a (new) pet cause of mine is providing assistance to teens who have taken a brave step and announced that they are "out" (be it gay, lesbian, or transgendered) and find themselves thrown on the street by a family that doesn't support them.As I am becoming more aware about my feminine side, I'm also starting to think of those who do not have the support system that I have. I shudder to think what would have happened to me if I had been brave enough to come out as a cross-dresser when I was a teenager; those who are braver than me deserve whatever support we can give them.And whatever prayers we can give them as well.
Finally totally out to my wife - part 1
September 27th, 2006 6:01 am MDT
So this weekend, after about a dozen years since she first outed me, my wife re-asked me the question. "Do you still think about cross-dressing?"I am used to keeping it out of her sight. I did not know how she could deal with it. The last time she was angry and upset, but when I said I would try not to do it any more she became nice and sweet to me. We discussed how to hide it, but I was not comfortable in my feminine skin, so I went towards denial rather than dealing with the issue.Fast forward to this year. The past dozen years have not been kind to me. Lots of self-loathing, mild depression, fear, and lots of insecurity. And always this 8000 pound gorilla in the back. And the one time I failed I felt like the lowliest worm in the world.I wanted a change, and tried to avoid this, but finally had to face the truth. I am a cross-dresser. I still had a couple of things, and I added some shoes to them, but also books. And I started to reach out to others on the Internet, hoping to find someone who I could talk to about this who understood.One day I went to a park one day, got out of the car, and said aloud "I am a transgendered person. I am both male and female." Amazing what this did for me. I also set up a MySpace page, and through one of the women there (Hi Jeri!) I discovered FemmeFever. I looked over the website - it felt different from other makeover places. I had considered a transformation/makeover experience in the past, but this was the first one that gave me the comfort to call. I did, and I had my first makeover (where the picture came from), but also Karen is a social worker, and very understanding, so I also had my first open conversation about dressing from someone who understands us.I wanted to tell my wife how I was feeling, but she was under so much stress, and I didn't want to add to it. I had a one-year plan, where I was going to tell her in the fall of next year (it worked out as the best time - our youngest would be in college, and we would be alone for the first time in a couple of decades).But the best laid plans, as they say.So here I was, in a park, used to denying, scared silly, afraid my marriage was over.I changed. I told the honest truth. "Yes, I do." And it started to pour out of me. And her worries started to pour out of her. And we talked. And cried. And laughed. And more tears. And did I mention that we cried a lot? She cried all the way back to the house.And we cried and talked a lot over the next several days.----In part 2 I'll describe how a wife can absolutely dumbfound a thick-headed cross-dresser using the power of love, and how lucky a girl like me can be. It isn't roses, but I didn't dream I'd get carnations! Or leopard print!
Hello
September 22nd, 2006 6:39 pm MDT
I'm at an early stage of a long journey, and it only took me about 40 years to get here! Yes, that means that I was 6-7 years old the first time I put on a dress - it was a nice dress that my sister had - it was blue-green with a fur collar. I've strugged off and on since, mostly in the closet. This year I decided to start exploring my feminine side. Discretely, of course - I am married to a woman who discovered my dressing about a dozen years ago. She does not approve, so I am still closeted, but not as closeted as I once was. Just had my first makeover and it was great!Anyhow, one thing lead to another, and here I am!More later...- Hugs, Tina
