Journal Entries for Shawna Lynn Honey
Two years and the many places one goes
December 2nd, 2008 11:26 am MST
Two years have almost past since my last entry. Amazing how time moves and our preception of it flexes. Many things have happened, and I have traveled quite a lot since. In a few days I will be 40. I cannot believe that age has come. I am still single. Not a woman in my life as of yet. The women who accept us "girls" are very far and few in between. I am begining to wonder if they even exist. I just would like to marry a girl that can accept my female side and even party with my girl self. I've had so many guys try to convince me that I actualy want a man and them to be exact, that it's become a joke. For the boys who have gotten this far, I'll go ahead and say that even tho I am contemplating going on a date with a guy, I am still in no way attracted to males. And if you think the date would involve sex, your sorely mistaken. I just want to have a nice evening out with polite company. Dinner, dancing and being treated like a woman should be treated. Well lets hope that it is not another year before I make another post.
catching up
December 30th, 2006 3:37 pm MST
Well, I suppose I should catch this up a bit, just in case anyone is following along. I just survived a very traumatic chirstmas holiday and I'm now back at work. Things at work took a fast turn for the worst since my last post, and was the major contributor to my horrible holliday. Yes, stress from work was the main reason that I could not get into the holiday spirit, despite drastic attempts by relatives to help me into better spirits. Things at work are quite for the moment, but soon will get worse when some of my coworkers come back from their holidays. I have been able to get out dressed a few more times since my last entry. I have also added one more female friend who knows about Me to the growing list. She's really pretty and has said that she wants to go party with Shawna some Saturday. (big grins) I'm sad because I don't know when that will be. Well, sorry for all the downer news, I'll try and be a little more positive next time. Bigg Huggs all.
I D I C
October 15th, 2006 2:54 pm MDT
Infinate Diversity in Infinate Combinations. A few days ago I made a post in a very distraught emotional state. I was dealing with a question that has such an easy answer for many. "What am I?" The answer for which, for me, is not easy nor quickly forth comming. I was reading a book by author Jenny Boylan, called "She's not there". Some thought that this book was the ignition point for my tears, which in part is incorrect. The realization that Ms Boylan knew, from the start, what she was, and that I now have not a clue as to "what" I am, was actually the breaker. The emotion now demanded to be released and in it's release, delt with. I still do not know "what" I am. I do in fact know "who" I am. I am me, and me alone am I.Many Trek fans will recognize the IDIC principle. "She's not there" is a beautiful story, and that is all it is, a story. A story of one Womans journey to become what she feels she realy is, while as it seems, staying "who" she has been all along.I know my who, I need to find my what.
Time
October 11th, 2006 6:05 pm MDT
Time, there never seems to be enough! I seem to always be running out of time. Well, at the moment my emotions are calm, and I am somewhat collected. I am still on my Journey, and I'm trying to figure out some way to tell my story. And NO it will not be a step by step guide on what to do. It will just be MY story. The down side is, I'm not that great at writing or keeping up a journal.
Getting better every day
October 9th, 2006 6:02 pm MDT
Well I am getting better with each passing day. I am still pondering that question about "what" I am. It just seems like it came to a head last week. I had sooooooo much fun at Southern Comfort, but like I said, it felt way normal. I have made some good friends. I'm looking forward to making some more.
A book i'm reading and my journey....
October 4th, 2006 7:45 pm MDT
I'm reading a book called She's Not There, by Jennifer Finney Boylan. I am at the point in the book where she has told her wife Grace about being Transgendered. It's heart breaking to read. It is also leaving me with questions.The question tonight is, "Where am I on my Journey?" Am I walking along it some where? or am I sitting on a park bench watching others on their Journey pass me by.I received an email from someone who read my first two entries. She was VERY supportive, and her email helped me feel a bit better, in a way. For that I thank her very much! I'm still lost, I need to find my maps or a light house.....
Not a good night last night
October 4th, 2006 12:55 pm MDT
Well, last night I cried myself almost to sleep. Right now I either don't know or don't understand WHAT I am. I am at a loss as to which direction to face. What am I? What AM i?
My first journal entry
October 3rd, 2006 4:58 pm MDT
Well, I'm going to give this a try. I have had a few Girl Friends recommend URNA so there must be some good. About a week ago I attended the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, GA. I had a blast, but one thing struck me as odd; it felt totaly natural! I wasn't excited to be there, I was just at ease with myself. Well more on this later on. Just wanted to kick start something here. Bigg Huggs
