URNotAlone

My first outing as a T-girl

January 2nd, 2009 6:09 pm MST

My first outing as a T-girl was filled with anticipation and disappointment and I hope I can help others like me prevent such a travesty. It began with meeting Ashley on line. I was getting quite comfortable with my appearance as a woman and my confidence was lifted by chatting with others like me on this very website: URNA. Thank you girls for all your support and kind words but be warned that a girl's life is much more than coiffed hair, lipstick, high heels and pantyhose. Just being a girl and doing your day-to-day activities is different than going out on the town. Girls do need to be in groups if they are looking to attract attention to themselves to boast their egos, look for sex, or simply go flirting. I needed Ashley to be there for me because wearing that tight dress with those heels made me venerable.

It began with the trip to Ashley's place and since I had to fly there and did not know the city I opted to cab it instead of renting a car (first big mistake). Girls, unless you plan to get totally drunk you should drive because at very least it is a place of refuge or way to escape if needs be. The time at Ashley’s place was not all bad. Ashley arranged a make-up artist to come and do us up for our night out which was great. The time waiting for the makeover was painful but as it happened and the results of it were wonderful. I felt I was a performer getting ready to perform for a crowd, which was not far from the truth. I didn't care that Ashley’s place was a dump because we were leaving for a club even though I am not really a club type of girl.

The club was Odyssey in Vancouver BC, Canada, and we were well-received T-girls got in free. The music was loud, the dance floor was crowded, and I was starting to like the idea of being in a hot tight dress. I guess we were there 15 minutes before Ashley turned to me and said, "Would you like to go to a gay bar?" As Ashley was my hostess I felt obliged to say yes and go with her because I was from out of town and trusted her to know where the cool places were. At this point, what I call the disappoint, things started going downhill.

We arrived on my dime at a lounge like bar filled with men. We immediately arrived at a table with acquaintances of Ashley who just happened to be the most unattractive people in the bar. Here I was all dolled up looking as fantastic as I could only to be delivered to the company of some plain drunks. They never even offered me a seat and I had to stand. I stood up for a lot that night. The drunks that never smiled, the goofy guys who came around and Ashley taking off and leaving me there... standing. I stood and stood. The only pleasure was observing a nice T-girl prancing around the bar with her cute little cowboy hat. If only I had the nerve to just hook up with her but she seemed busy trying to pick up men for money or something. I must have lost myself in watching the cowgirl's lassoing antics because it was not long before it was closing time. I had no watch but Ashley was not around for a long time. Where was she? I was upset that she ditched me. I felt rejected, alone, scared and worst of all I missed out on my chance to hook up with the cute cowgirl.

The drunks I was standing around offered no solace. I didn't feel like owing these grumpy people as much as a thank you for a seat but I still asked if they knew where Ashley was but they didn't know. Girls, much of my plight would have been averted if I had a stronger voice – a strong feminine voice. I think if you practice getting your look down pat then you should also practice your voice because looking like a diva and sounding like a ironworker is most disagreeable.

It was disagreeable finding a cab to get back to Ashley's place. I had to make a stop at an ATM only to have some drunk loser say to me "are you workin girl?" and his buddy hushing him up recognizing I was a tranny. In this instance being a mute was quite advantageous. My cab ride was also quite memorable because apparently Ashley was not unknown to this cab company. The cabbie went on about how she didn't pay here fare and was going to make it difficult for me. We drove to his cabbie compound place to fill up with fuel and left me sitting there in the cab for some time. Eventually we got to Ashley's place and I had to tell the cabbie to let me off a few blocks away because he was almost getting irate that I was going to rip him off too. He was demanding to see her house but I plead ignorant about where exactly it was (which was almost true as I had only been there once before and did not know the city). After getting out of the cab I was going to get some answers.

I knocked and I knocked on the door and there was no answer. I noted that the back door looked as if it had been jimmied open quite often and as with most dumps there was no shortage of objects lying around in which to pry the door open with. I found a butter knife (why it was there I will never know - maybe it was the spare key) and the door popped open. I had never broke into a house before but circumstances such as being in a short tight dress in a strange town and wanting answers as to why I was abandoned made it the logical choice. Besides it was a dump which looked to have been broken into on a regular basis so why not? Ashley was not there so I went to sleep in an area of the house which the least filthy.

I awoke to Ashley coming home with a clump clump clump of her tall elevated boots. Her mascara was running down the side of her cheek and she had removed her wig. I had practiced for some time how I was going to say "what happened?" and I feel I pulled off a sweet concerned voice of someone who didn't really give a rat's ass but still asked anyway. She apologized profusely that she abandoned me because she had been arrested for purchasing coke in the back alley of the bar hence she was not able to let me know. All my anger with her turned to disgust but since she had been through a lot even though it was all her own fault I did not pursue bitching her out. Instead I listened to her tale of being in the men's drunk tank penniless and scared. Then after her release, she had to walk home in those boots for 2 hours. Can you picture a burned out T-girl limping down the street early in the morning?

There were some future chats with Ashley but I had to let her know that I was unable to help her. I know it sounds cruel but I usually look at a outing like that as a first date and I believe a big no no during a time when you are trying to get to know someone is to go a make a dope deal. I had no time invested in that relationship so it was easy to say, "have a nice life" but it left me hollow inside for when I would next venture out. Jaded, low expectations, and the necessity of independence is how I approach things now. I hope you, dear reader, do not have to have such an experience. I was naive despite all my years but you don't have to be. You are not alone.

Tasha