Jennifer Lynn Mills
Journal Entries for Jennifer Lynn Mills
Pics
October 24th, 2008 8:08 am MDT
Many of you have ask why I don't have more pics. Well, there are basically 2 reasons for this:
One is pretty simply; my wife. My wife has never really accepted this part of my life. Yes, she tired, or so I hope she did. At one time I have a very nice collection of pics of all types (lingerie, wedding, casually, dressy) you name it. Even some I transferred to DVD's when I was in my teens and early 20's
Well, my wife snooped around one day and found all my pics on my computer and deleted them. Then took the extra effort to find the master DVD's and destroyed those too. Needless to say I was devastated. This happened probably about 2 years ago, and for reasons to be explained just never got around to taking more.
The other is a bit more complex, and after looking back now, I wondered why it stopped me.
Shortly after this happened with my wife, I was driving home from work one morning. I work a midnight shift job and it was shortly before sunrise. While driving home, I was blind-sided by a car blowing thru an intersection. My car was totally and I thought I was too. Other than being just badly bruised, I also had a broken leg; or so I though. The damage was so severe, they couldn't save it and have to take it right below the knee.
This is just one point in my life where I didn't care about anything anymore. I played baseball in highschool and college and had always taken pretty good care of myself. Now, I felt worthless. I didn't want anyone to see me like this and sure dind't want to dress up anymore as I always loved showing off my legs and never wore pants or slacks as Jennifer. Although I started using an artificial leg, it wasn't the same and I stopped dressing altogether. It was only thru the concern of a close friend (who didn't even dress), that got me "back on my feet" and convinced me it was on the inside that mattered more. I started dressing again, but still have a hang-up of letting others see me dressed with only one leg.
Maybe I am acting silly. I know I am not the only one like me around, but I hope others understand. I've been accused of being a fake because I only have this one pic. I know perhaps I should have shared this earlier, but does it make a difference how many pics a person has? What about those girls that are so closeted they have no pics and can't risk taking any? Any they fakes?
I hope others can understand now why I avoid the issue of pics or keep saying I will get to it, etc. If they can't understand, I hold no judgement. And for those that I wouldn't chat with because they have no pics, I understand perhaps how they feel
Comments
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Re: Pics Jill Leanne Lacey October 29th, 2008 6:49 am MDT Jennifer, take comfort in knowing you are not the only woman with one working leg, albeit, on this site maybe, but not the only one. I chatted with a gg with one leg a few years ago who is addicted to heels and hose and sex for that matter, and picture taking. She was wonderful!!! I understand your feeling completely girl. I have a paralyzed left arm from a motorcycle acident back in '76 and I am always conscious of it, but ignore the fact nonetheless. I just accept it probably like you do. My opinion is it matters not what we look like outside, what matters is we get to be who we are inside and get to express it outside. Your pic is beautiful and you look so naturally feminine. Sorry to hear your wife is not accepting. Destroying your pics does not change who you are and will remain throughout your entire life fortunately. There are groups on the web for handicapped people who love heels, hose, etc. Have you seen any of them? If I were near you, I'd be honored to go out in public with you. With three arms and three legs, we could conquer the world!!! Hugs, Jill- Re: Pics Christa November 3rd, 2008 12:25 pm MST Thanks for sharing your story, Jennifer. I'm not sure if I'm qualified to give you any advice here, so let me just offer my support. We all feel imperfect at times and struggle to accept parts of ourselves that we wish we could change. But knowing who you are, accepting who you are, and embracing who you are is a process we should all work through. I think the world would be a kinder and gentler place. Now I don't know your wife, or your relationship, or the full context of your situation, but when it seems like the act of destroying all your photos and DVDs was a rather hateful act. Hateful in that she took away something that was important to you for her own selfish reasons. It's easy to go to a place of "feeling guilty" after something like that happens. It's easy to feel like maybe you deserved that. But I think that's not really fair. A well-adjusted spouse in a healthy relationship would have had a conversation with you about what these photos mean to you, how you used them, and the two of you could come to terms about them. You seem like a strong, intelligent person who's been through some tough times. Try to be strong and don't let the world walk all over you. You deserve to be happy (which doens't have to come at anyone else's expense). XOXO Christa
- Re: Pics Christi November 16th, 2008 10:41 am MST Jennifer, I am so honored to have you as a friend - You're a special person and it doesn't matter how many pics you have, You'll always be special to me. Hugs Christi xxx
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