URNotAlone

Still Working on becoming a girl!

February 17th, 2008 3:17 am MST

I think my parents feelings about me working towards becoming a girl are getting much, much worse now!  I kinda hate to admit it but I do love my mom and dad, and before I know it I am on the phone dialing them up just to have a chat.  I've just been doing it my entire life since I moved out on my own at 22.  I called mom last Tuesday, and we were having a pretty good talk, but somehow the topic of my being a TS came up.  Oh boy!  She was in a mood about it!  She said that she felt that I was persecuting her by doing this to her?  I'm doing this to her?  And she went on about how bad it was, the details I just blurred out.  She said that dad was so, so very sick about it that he could not talk about it at all, and she thought it was making him very sick physically and mentally.  OH my. Talk about laying a big guilt trip on you! Now somehow by me finally trying to become a girl that i have always wanted to be my entire life, I am some how going to kill them both? So they want me to stop right now and not do it so that they can relax.  So, what am I supposed to do? Am I actually supposed to stop my attempts at traansition and go back to being a very depressed person?  I just do not think I could do that, not now that I have come OUT, and told everyone that I know, including them.  I mean I finally got up the nerve to tell the world that I want to be a girl, and well I am going to give it a good try!  I would be so happy if things were to work out for me and I actually got everything done, and got my papers that said that I was truly a proper girl.  I would be so very happy.  I guess that they would be mad, upset, and ashamed of me for the rest of their or my life.  I really do not think I am a bad girl to deserve this, why in the world would they be so ashamed of me? Just simply for the fact that I decided to become a girl? Other than that I've not done anything really horrible that I know of.  I go to work, keep my house nice and tidy, pay my taxes, feed my cat, I really do not know what else they want of me?  I guess, it is simple as not to be a girl.  Well, I am truly sick and tired of being a man now, and am ready to live life as a girl and have more of a fun life as a girl.  I've waited for this, and now I just think that I have to do it.  Beth Ann