URNotAlone

It's easier said than done!

February 19th, 2008 5:07 am MST

  The cat is meowing at me as I try to sit here and have a smoke, pondering on the day to come.  Bla Bla meeting yesterday at work with everyone, lol, one topic they picked is to have a place with NO IT problems, lmao.  Well, just top staff was there, 90 about, 10 had taken the day off.  Have they lost their minds?   I am the IT department, and I guess they really have no idea how a computer works.  I guess I could wave my Princess Wand and make all the problems go away.  You can not go anywhere and find a place with no IT problems.  LMAO.  I think I will be working on imaging new stuff down onto up to 3 computer labs.  I wonder if they think when we get new software is that a problem? Ah, nevermind.

My brother stopped by to see me at work yesterday, and he could only stay and talk to me for like 15 minutes.  I had told him 1st about me being a TS early last summer and he took it very well.  I had my new small Nikon S-200 in my pocket, with pictures of me from my last outing as Beth Ann.  He was like WOW, you look good, I would not have recognized you.  Then he got to the ones of me actually out at the mall in the book store Borders.  I guess he was amazed that yes I do go out and go places.  He liked my outfit, I had on pink sweater, jean mini skirt, and black tights leggings.  No big thick as jeans leggins for me, why bother with that just stay a guy if you are going to wear big thick clothes on your legs.  Really, my leggins were almost just black pantyhose but closer to  tights.  More girly.

I guess that mom and dad are still mad at me, because no e-mail or phone calls, nada. My brother said they are just taking it hard.  Well, poop, I do not know what to do now.  I have an appointment with my pain clinic doctor this Thursday,  and I was going to ask her for estrogern.  I know that will help me look better as a girl, and I will grow my own breasts!  So much better than stuffing my bra!  I am going to even try and get off of work early a bit some so I can go to the visit as a girl.  But mom and dad are just wanting me to wait, I just wonder wait how long?  I've waited for years and hid my girl self from the world, that's kinda why I came out, so I did not have to wait, and I could actually do things to move on with transition. 

They, mom and dad, were so supportive when I came out and said that they would always love and support me no matter what.  I was kind of stunned, I went out to see them as my guy self and they said you are our kid and we really will love you no matter what.  But, NOW, they have changed their minds!!  Mom basically said she totally hates the idea of what I am doing, and dad is so sick of it he can hardly talk about it and mom said he is getting physically sick.  Talk about a guilt trip!!  I've had my own mental problems to deal with,  I can hardly make it through the day, and I am physically sick, so I really don't need all this extra drama, and they know it.  I just want to be a girl, a woman.  I will still be me, but just the girl form of me.  I know you all know about this, but I was just tired of being a wannabe TS, talking about it but never doing anything, all because of fear basically I guess.  I think I will make a good girl and be much happier person.  They always wondered why I was such a depressed person all the time, and sad all the time, and now they know, know what might make me happy and they don't want me to do it!!  How rude!! 

I bid thee all a happy day,  I try and dry my tears now, and get in the shower.

Take care, Beth Ann