URNotAlone

Accessibility Options

Joanna

"watching her wild flowers bloom and harvesting apples."

Connect

banner

Mentoring a GID Person. Need help.

June 25th, 2008 10:47 pm MDT

I received an email from Jane (not real name) looking for someone to live with.  Jane is 18 years old, gender dysphoric and living with clueless religious conservative parents.I am renovating my cottage and will have a spare room, I would enjoy the company of someone willing to do household chores in exchange for rent and food.  Jane would be working a job, saving up for SRS.  Problem is that Jane also wants me to be her boyfriend and help her through transition.  Jane has the features to become an attractive young lady but I cannot even consider the possibility of an intimate relationship with someone so young and also under duress.  I could comfortably be her mentor and help her through transition but not financially.  She understands that I do not have the money but still wants to come live with me just to get away from her parents and start dressing and transitioning.I did did not detect one bit of BS from Jane during our chats.  She seems to be a very good person overall. In her desperation She seems to be willing to throw herself immediately to someone she finds on the internet.  Is the desperation of gender dysphoria that strong?I once gave free room and board to a young girl living in a drug filled neighborhood.  I was somewhat of a mentor and there was never any consideration of foolinging around with her.  She is now married and working on her masters degree.  She is my best friend and considered family.  This is what I had in mind when I offered Jane free room and board.I would appreciate any advise offered on this situation and experiences anyone has had either sponsoring or being sponsored through transition.

Comments

Logon to Post Comment

  • Spirit
    Re: Mentoring a GID Person. Need help. Spirit June 26th, 2008 6:02 am MDT I would level with her just like you're doing here, hun.  I would probably do it in person, if I could, or else on the phone.  I think IM is too impersonal for something so serious.    If she won't buy it, you're at an impasse.  If you allow her into your home, and she's determined to have a relationship, she'll probably succeed in attaching herself to you.  Sometimes we all need to be close to another.  She'll find that time and use it for all it's worth.  Educated or not, we girls are clever by nature in some regards.   Which brings me to my most serious concern for you, Joanna.  Because she's young, she has a gigantic lever, should she seek drama.  Be Careful.  I admire your desire to help and know you will make the correct decision, but people who don't know you will see an older T-woman with a kid and immediately believe anything she says if she wants to hurt you.  If she harbours hopes of romance and feels spurned, she might want to lash out at you.  She could do som,e real damage.   Compassion is by far the noblest of emotions.  I am so proud that you feel it.  Remember, though, that you won't be able to help other people if you're stuck in a cell.  I have confidence you will make the correct choice.  I hope I haven't muddied the water.  Be Safe   Love,   Sue
  • Jill Leanne Lacey
    Re: Mentoring a GID Person. Need help. Jill Leanne Lacey June 29th, 2008 6:53 am MDT

    Sue is quite correct here sis. Your intentions are admirable but err on the side of caution. If you proceed with this, ensure all the rules are out and upfront and in no way will any deviation from those rules be tolerated. Sometimes life sucks, sometimes not, so be sure she agrees and realizes you are helping her, not starting a relationship and she will be expected to do certain things to carry her weight so to speak. Good luck and I am confident you will make the right decision.

    Hugs, Jill 

banner

© 1995-2008 URNotAlone.com, All Rights Reserved. All items © Copyright by their respective owners, used here with their consent.

Page generated in 0.05 seconds