URNotAlone

The Emergence of Joanna

July 9th, 2008 2:56 pm MDT

Once upon a time I was stealthed by Terri. It took me a few days to realize or accept the fact that the pretty girl that seduced me while driving along US 1 in Ft Lauderdale was not a real girl. Even when I realized who she was, all I could do was smile, her kiss was so incredibly nice. But only her guy voice ever answered the phone saying that I had a wrong number. And so I continued to date GGs. Then I moved up North for a few years and then transferred back to Miami again. I would be living aboard my sailboat in a North Miami marina. When I visited the marina where I would be living I met my soon to be neighbor. Robin, my future neighbor was painting her beautiful antique wood boat. She was all legs and longhair. She was very shy and quiet but eventually opened up and we had a nice chat that somehow got around to living on boats and family acceptance. I had 30 days to dream of this girl as I was sailing my boat back to Miami. When I moved in, I asked about Robin because her boat was gone. I said I thought she was very nice and very pretty. They all laughed at me. They told me Robin was really a guy and got thrown out of the marina. Argh! I was pissed at those mean people and heart broken. Up until then I just assumed Robin was a GG. I had to do some soul searching but realized that Robin was more important than any ingrained homophobia I might have. I searched every marina in the area and then started checking out some gay bars to see if I could find her. Then I found Trixies Drag Bar. Wow! what an experience for a straight guy like like me, especially in the military! These people really know how to have fun! But I did not think that Robin would be hanging out in bars and stuff. I gave up the search and continued with my hetero and military social life. Then after a few more years and some "stressful" incidents, the military put me on brain meds and told me I had to retire. Then I looked up my past girlfriend that I had before I left home years and years ago. She was no longer married but was now gay.  Then one day I met a really cute drag boy on vacation in South Beach while I was doing some photography. WOW! this realy shifted some perspectives.  Then I started going back to Trixies Drag Bar. I met a whole different type of people from the hetero crowd. These people were nice. They seemed to enjoy life and wanted to do nice things for me. One memorable little drag boy sat next to me one time and told me how he liked to sew and how he made his dress. How he liked to cook and clean. This one wonderful person shattered the whole hetero paradigm for me. It was then I realized that In the hetero world, girls were always testing to see what I would be able to do for them and I was always trying to prove myself to them. I have never had a GG try to prove herself to me as this one little drag boy did. Now I can only see the hetero mating and dating crowd as a bunch of desperate people trying to fulfill their genetic imperative. Then I gave up on the concept of normalcy and decided to jump in, have some fun and join the insanity. First I bought a dress to wear for when I would finally meet my long lost but now gay girlfriend. A simple joke I thought. The cross dressing joke turned into a major engineering project. I paid for a makeover to learn how to do makeup, found out that corsets are incredibly calming devices, learned to safely shave my legs and bought a pair of wonderful 6 inch platform heels. I got up on stage and did some lip sync performances and dancing ... it was a riot. At night clubs they waved me in ahead of the line, bartenders gave me free drinks. I learned what goes on in the night club ladies room. And guys propositioned me and then turned white and ran when I answered in my guy voice. I even had one creepy drunk guy follow me in the parking lot. Then I retired, left Miami and moved to the mountains, my life long dream. My drag days were only for 6 months and I have no deep emotional drive to want to dress for gender or sexual reasons. For some reason I have kept Joanna's suitcase of party clothes. But there is part of Joanna that will not let go of me and it has nothing to do with the clothes or wanting to be a woman. Bit by bit I have been trying to learn what Joanna has been trying to say to me. The joke flopped with my past girlfriend but she appreciated my attempt to shift perspective. We are still great friends and she is really wonderful. If anyone knows of a girl named Robin that lives on a boat, I would appreciate very much to know that she is OK.