Lexy Alexis Mccloud
"At major crossroads - considering transitioning further! Want to hear from other girls!"
Journal Entries for Lexy Alexis Mccloud
At Crossroads
September 12th, 2009 2:59 pm MDT
Hi Girls,
I don't normally write journal entries. I'm at a serious crossroads in my life. I'm seriously planning to transition much further. Breast augmentation, FFS, hormones, etc. I want to go to everything but SRS.
I spend all the time dreaming of transitioning further. A couple of major events in my life have changed allowing to me to do this now. I have had a very sucessful career as a man, but at a stage I am wanting to start over as a woman, even if it means giving up quite a bit.
Although I've dressed and wanted to be a girl since age 5 like the rest of us. I don't have this awful feeling as a woman trapped in a man's body. I want to become a "woman" to feel the sexual attraction of men wanting a girl. Yes, I know the term autogynophilia.
Is it wrong to want to transition because that is what drives me? Many seem to say Shemale is a derogatory word maybe because of the sex industry. For me, that is my desire (fetish?). I want to be one of those TS girls advertising her services.
Am I too old? I am concerned I won't look realistic / passable enough and should stayed in a mans body and dressed as a girl sometimes but not as seriously.
If I do breast augmentation, FFS, hormones, is it just the logical progression to SRS? Am I kidding myself I could/should go that far but not fully?
I realize I am being blunt and direct. I know a lot of girls have discussed these same things internally.
I would really advice from girls who have asked themselves these questions and have lived it.
Thanks girls. Lexy
Comments
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Lexy,
i am not where you are - - - yet! i thought that i had myself very nicely defined as a bisexual man who loved to present as a woman and who enjoyed the feelings that being a woman gave me. But that is no longer enough.
Like yourself, my current vision stops short of SRS and i am not sure about HRT either. i don't find my male body (slim, tanned, and smooth) unattractive/uncomfortable. And i have a wonderful genetic girlfriend who loves ginger but wants that functioning penis for penetration. However, i know that in my past relationships i have repeatedly denied myself happiness in an effort to please women. And, i don't want to repeat that pattern at this point in my life.
So, i think that i need to get some professional help to assist me in putting things into a proper prospective and properly weighing my options. i have two young adult kids from a prior marriage who mean the world to me. i would not want to lose them or to have them lose their Dad.
Living life well involves balancing competing desires and options and i need to find that balance that will help me live my life most fully and happily. Most of me wants to live my life as a woman - most probably as a shemale but i need to be sure that doing so will bring me happiness. What an adventure. What a bitch!!
Best wishes to you Lexy on your journey and please let us know how things are progressing. As you know, i am a local girl, and i would love to meet for lunch someday and talk about our repective journeys.
kisses,
ginger