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© 1995-2008 URNotAlone.com, All Rights Reserved. All items © Copyright by their respective owners, used here with their consent.
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URNA DETECTIVES NEWS FLASH! DAN, JON & THE CASE OF THE MISSING JOURNAL ENTRIES!
Karen Reeves December 27th, 2008 8:54 pm MSTHi Everyone!
It appears that the case of the missing journal entry postings has been SOLVED!
I can see from my own list of the number of journal entries posted on my site that last June 4th was a busy day. I know I have posted quite a few journal entries over the years but not 53 of them!!! I can talk and write alot but . . . . .
Trying to repair the site the guys posted over 30 test entries on my site in just a few hours! When the site recently got repaired these disappearing journal entries suddenly reappeared. I just noticied this and have spent time deleting the test items.
I would suggest that everyone go delete repetative journal/test items to cut down on the clutter.
Thanks Dan & Jon for the great work in making Urnotalone such an awesome place!!! You have proved yourselves again!
*Smiles*
~Karen~
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TG Homeless Issues
Angela Pacific December 22nd, 2008 12:12 pm MSTEQUALITY TEXAS MOURNS THE DEATH OF JENNIFER GALEHer death can be directly attributed to lack of shelters accepting of transgender homeless
December 18, 2008 - Equality Texas mourns the death of Jennifer Gale, a 47-year-old transgender homeless woman who died yesterday. Jennifer's body was found Wednesday morning. She was lying in an outdoor walkway at the First English Lutheran Church in Central Austin.
A perennial candidate for public office in Austin and Dallas, Jennifer's notoriety came through years of putting herself in the public eye. She took a shot at nearly every city office, from council seats, to the mayor's office. She never won, but in 2004, Gale came closer than ever, winning more than 38 percent of the vote for a seat on the Austin ISD School Board.
Jennifer's voice rang through Austin Council Chamber doors every week, often times in support of the homeless population of which she was a part. "Let's give the homeless a place to exercise that need jobs and need help," said Gale Tuesday night before the city's Health Services Board.
Her death points to critical problems faced by the homeless, and especially by homeless women and the transgender homeless.
"Jennifer most nights slept outdoors," said Austin Mayor Will Wynn. "Jennifer, we believe, is the 136th person who has died sleeping on the streets (of Austin) over the last 12 months."
Marti Bier, policy aide for Austin City Council Member Randi Shade, said, "Something Jennifer would never talk about, but was a reality for her, is that she is a transwoman living in a transphobic society. Homelessness in the trans-community is a really big problem, and one that goes ignored. There are no laws in Texas protecting transgender people, whether from job discrimination, housing discrimination or hate crimes. There was really nowhere for Jennifer Gale to go to protect herself from the cold last night. The Salvation Army (the only shelter in town that takes in women) would not let her in there unless she was grouped with the men (which includes sleeping with, and showering with, other homeless men). They would make her use her male birth name and completely disregard, and disrespect, her identity as a transwoman. There is so much to be learned from Jennifer Gale, and so much to be worked on in our community."
Equality Texas, the Transgender Education Network of Texas, and City of Austin officials are now working together to address changes in policy, or enforcement of existing policy, that might prevent another tragic loss of life. The City of Austin's non-discrimination ordinance is inclusive of sexual orientation and gender identity with regard to employment and public accommodations. The ordinance includes certain religious and private club exemptions, which will be reviewed for applicability to the delivery of shelter services for the homeless.
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Test
Samantha December 21st, 2008 11:41 am MSTI hope this works this time.
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Merry Christmas 2008 To You All!
Karen Reeves December 20th, 2008 11:51 pm MSTHi Everyone!
It is that time of year and yesterday's/today's snowstorm just seems to add to the festive mood of Christmas. I know that getting ready for the holidays can be stressful and painful.
I enjoy all the bright lights, good cheer, parties, the presents, and Xmas dinner. But let us remember the true meaning of Xmas. It is the day that we celeberate the life of one person and the meaning of what it is to strive and have a better planet to live on.
Enjoy your holidays no matter your belief system!!!!!
*Kisses*
~Karen~
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On my way
Samantha December 19th, 2008 7:53 pm MSTLet me try this again. The first two posts did not take. The last year has seen allot of soul searching for me. An end to years of drinking, I got quite good at it, a stay in a mental institution, suicidal tendencies, coming to the relization that my feminine side was not going to leave and telling my wife. All of these things did not happen so easily, but I did know that I could not imagine living the hell that was my mind for another thirty to forty years. I was happily married and my wife was very supportive until she realized that she could not do anything to change the path of my journey. It has taken along time for me to accept Samantha and I probably have not completely accepted her, but I don't think anyone can truly and fully accept lifes situations. I am much happier as a woman and it is the one thing that I can say has always been there from childhood. I have a wonderfull therapist who has helped me be strong enough to be myself. I have stopped fighting Samantha and have come to embrace myself. I have started Hormones, but am only now starting to feel the peace that they bring. As a result of the hormone I was asked to leave my home the day of my first shot. That was a week and a day ago. I have moved into my parents house which has a finished basement that is now mine. My parents have been incredible. Both my father and mother are behind me whatever finally happens. Samantha is not what they want, but they would rather have a healthy daughter than a Suicidal Son. Now that I am starting to get settled, I am able to enjoy my tender nipples and sore chest. I was told all of that would take around four weeks, but my nipples started to develope about 3 days after my shot. I go back Thur for my second shot which I will adminster and then I will be on my own except for blood work. I really do think I might be on the path to inner peace. Namaste.
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Test
Diana Collins December 16th, 2008 11:03 am MSTLet's see if this works
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Hormones
Samantha December 13th, 2008 10:51 pm MSTI had my first hormone injection last Thursday. I can't tell you how long I have waited for that and all I wanted to do was hug the doctor. I wish I could enjoy the moment, but that same day I moved out of my home. My wife cannot watch any longer. I miss my kids, but this is something I must do. Non of this has beeen easy, but at least I am being true to myself now. Peace.
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Crossing Over the Thresholds
Angela Pacific December 8th, 2008 4:34 pm MSTIt's now been about ten years since I left the last exit ramp for *boy* in my rear view mirror. I know how intense the tension was that I endured as I was facing the reality of the costs that my gender transition would bring with it. Divorce, children, employment, relationships, and all sorts of other unknown variables. The uncertainty was a given, the fear was optional. I know how lonely, isolating, and confusing that stretch of the pathway was for me.
In the midst of all the complexity of self-actualizing the girl I am at the deepest levels I held on to the hope of having just one day to walk unashamed in the sunlight as myself. There was a very real psychological death and rebirth process that took place inside of me.
The guy I used to try to be? He loved me enough to lay down his life so that I could have my day in the sunlight. That is a powerful love story, and it motivates me to sparkle and shine. All I can do in the onslaught of that kind of love is accept it with joy, pleasure, and gratitude. There is no way to repay a debt like that, it was gift that was given freely. I know he believed in me and I hope I have made him proud.
It’s not enough to just be a girl, it’s what we do with our life as a woman that brings meaningful significance to any suffering we have endured.
After a decade of life as TS woman I see things very differently now. Our role in the culture, or collective consciousness is far more profound than I could have imagined. At one point I became a student of TG/TS anthropology. Studying our manifestations over time, history, in a wide range of cultures fascinated me. I began to see a common theme emerge in the type of roles that we have filled over the course of human history. The emergent theme was that of being *threshold persons.*
We (TG/TS’s) appear in every time and culture all the way back to the earliest cuneiform stone tablets. In some cultures we have fared better than in others. We've served the collectives in many capacities over the course of history as mediators, negotiators, spiritual leaders, in positions of great trust under kings, and as shamans, healers, and teachers.
"Will Roscoe describes the lives of what I consider to be transgender men and women, sometimes referred to as two-spirited. In many cultures, individuals whose expression of gender was not constrained by a binary system of gender were valued as “threshold persons”. They inhabited a social space at the threshold, the border, the margin, or outskirts of a certain place. Such threshold persons often served their communities as guardians of (and guides across) a threshold, often into the spiritual world. Their guidance empowered others to also experience a crossing between places that might otherwise be impossible.
Being a "threshold person" I feel the pull between the desire to assimilate into the security of the structured two gender world and the desire to affirm my own transgender nature by making my home in the margins.
Staying connected to the larger processes at work within myself has helped me to embrace this role in the collective, and it is a very rich and beautiful space to take ownership of. My journey through the pain was an essential part of the transformative process required to be able to walk along side others as they approach crossing over the thresholds in their lives. I hope this doesn't sound like ethereal mysticism, it's not that at all. It comes from my own very real connection to that infinite ocean of love. And it took a gender transition for me to find that ocean.
Am I forced there by a transphobic society?
Early on in transition it did feel like the trajectory of my self actualization was headed straight into a cultural leper colony out on the furthest edge of the collective's fringe. Whether I felt called towards choosing the margins as a radical space of openness, or was just desperate for twelve square inches of solid ground under my feet that I could stand on in this world is a flip of the coin.
"…Those of us who live, who “make it”, invent spaces of radical openness. Without such spaces we could not survive. Our living depends on our ability to conceptualize alternatives, often improvised. "
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Slippery Slope?
Diana Collins November 24th, 2008 4:54 pm MSTThe first two questions my wife asked me when I came out to her were:
1) Do you want to be a woman?
2) Are you gay?
I answered no to both questions, and I believe that was the truth, but I'm not feeling confident. I may have been saying what I want to believe is true, rather than what is true.
I don't hate my male body. In fact, at times I love it. But I prefer to be Diana whenever I can. I rush home to have a chance to dress as Diana. I don't get aroused by doing this, I feel peaceful and calm. It feels right.
When I'm dressed as Diana, I don't feel like a guy in a dress, I feel like a woman. When I'm Diana, I wish I had breasts, and wide hips, and a vagina, and long hair, and a contralto voice. But I don't think I want to give up being a guy either. What I'm not sure about is do I really want to keep being a guy or do I want to keep what the guy gives me - a wife, a home, and a career? I don't know the answer to that one.
Diana is also, like her male alter ego, straight. Of course, that means that as Diana I'm interested in men. I'm enraptured by the idea of a man holding me, kissing me. The smell of his after shave, the stuble of his beard. These things fascinate me. I doubt I'd follow through of these interests, not while I'm married anyway. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but Diana is a pretty horny girl. Judging by the number of Bi and Bi-curious girls I see here, I'm not alone.
There is an old joke: What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years
Is that what I'm experiencing? Am I on a slippery slope? Or am I going through a normal phase of confusion after coming out? Anybody?
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Slippery Slope?
Diana Collins November 22nd, 2008 5:35 pm MSTThe first two questions my wife asked me when I came out to her were:
1) Do you want to be a woman?
2) Are you gay?
I answered no to both questions, and I believe that was the truth, but I'm not feeling confident. I may have been saying what I want to believe is true, rather than what is true.
I don't hate my male body. In fact, at times I love it. But I prefer to be Diana whenever I can. I rush home to have a chance to dress as Diana. I don't get aroused by doing this, I feel peaceful and calm. It feels right.
When I'm dressed as Diana, I don't feel like a guy in a dress, I feel like a woman. When I'm Diana, I wish I had breasts, and wide hips, and a vagina, and long hair, and a contralto voice. But I don't think I want to give up being a guy either. What I'm not sure about is do I really want to keep being a guy or do I want to keep what the guy gives me - a wife, a home, and a career? I don't know the answer to that one.
Diana is also, like her male alter ego, straight. Of course, that means that as Diana I'm interested in men. I'm enraptured by the idea of a man holding me, kissing me. The smell of his after shave, the stuble of his beard. These things fascinate me. I doubt I'd follow through of these interests, not while I'm married anyway. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but Diana is a pretty horny girl. Judging by the number of Bi and Bi-curious girls I see here, I'm not alone.
There is an old joke: What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years
Is that what I'm experiencing? Am I on a slippery slope? Or am I going through a normal phase of confusion after coming out? Anybody?
[Comment on this post]
Slippery Slope?
Diana Collins November 19th, 2008 7:57 pm MSTThe first two questions my wife asked me when I came out to her were:
1) Do you want to be a woman?
2) Are you gay?
I answered no to both questions, and I believe that was the truth, but I'm not feeling confident. I may have been saying what I want to believe is true, rather than what is true.
I don't hate my male body. In fact, at times I love it. But I prefer to be Diana whenever I can. I rush home to have a chance to dress as Diana. I don't get aroused by doing this, I feel peaceful and calm. It feels right.
When I'm dressed as Diana, I don't feel like a guy in a dress, I feel like a woman. When I'm Diana, I wish I had breasts, and wide hips, and a vagina, and long hair, and a contralto voice. But I don't think I want to give up being a guy either. What I'm not sure about is do I really want to keep being a guy or do I want to keep what the guy gives me - a wife, a home, and a career? I don't know the answer to that one.
Diana is also, like her male alter ego, straight. Of course, that means that as Diana I'm interested in men. I'm enraptured by the idea of a man holding me, kissing me. The smell of his after shave, the stuble of his beard. These things fascinate me. I doubt I'd follow through of these interests, not while I'm married anyway. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but Diana is a pretty horny girl. Judging by the number of Bi and Bi-curious girls I see here, I'm not alone.
There is an old joke: What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years
Is that what I'm experiencing? Am I on a slippery slope? Or am I going through a normal phase of confusion after coming out? Anybody?
[Comment on this post]
Slippery Slope?
Diana Collins November 19th, 2008 3:21 pm MSTThe first two questions my wife asked me when I came out to her were:
1) Do you want to be a woman?
2) Are you gay?
I answered no to both questions, and I believe that was the truth, but I'm not feeling confident. I may have been saying what I want to believe is true, rather than what is true.
I don't hate my male body. In fact, at times I love it. But I prefer to be Diana whenever I can. I rush home to have a chance to dress as Diana. I don't get aroused by doing this, I feel peaceful and calm. It feels right.
When I'm dressed as Diana, I don't feel like a guy in a dress, I feel like a woman. When I'm Diana, I wish I had breasts, and wide hips, and a vagina, and long hair, and a contralto voice. But I don't think I want to give up being a guy either. What I'm not sure about is do I really want to keep being a guy or do I want to keep what the guy gives me - a wife, a home, and a career? I don't know the answer to that one.
Diana is also, like her male alter ego, straight. Of course, that means that as Diana I'm interested in men. I'm enraptured by the idea of a man holding me, kissing me. The smell of his after shave, the stuble of his beard. These things fascinate me. I doubt I'd follow through of these interests, not while I'm married anyway. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but Diana is a pretty horny girl. Judging by the number of Bi and Bi-curious girls I see here, I'm not alone.
There is an old joke: What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years
Is that what I'm experiencing? Am I on a slippery slope? Or am I going through a normal phase of confusion after coming out? Anybody?
[Comment on this post]
Slippery Slope?
Diana Collins November 19th, 2008 2:08 pm MSTThe first two questions my wife asked me when I came out to her were:
1) Do you want to be a woman?
2) Are you gay?
I answered no to both questions, and I believe that was the truth, but I'm not feeling confident. I may have been saying what I want to believe is true, rather than what is true.
I don't hate my male body. In fact, at times I love it. But I prefer to be Diana whenever I can. I rush home to have a chance to dress as Diana. I don't get aroused by doing this, I feel peaceful and calm. It feels right.
When I'm dressed as Diana, I don't feel like a guy in a dress, I feel like a woman. When I'm Diana, I wish I had breasts, and wide hips, and a vagina, and long hair, and a contralto voice. But I don't think I want to give up being a guy either. What I'm not sure about is do I really want to keep being a guy or do I want to keep what the guy gives me - a wife, a home, and a career? I don't know the answer to that one.
Diana is also, like her male alter ego, straight. Of course, that means that as Diana I'm interested in men. I'm enraptured by the idea of a man holding me, kissing me. The smell of his after shave, the stuble of his beard. These things fascinate me. I doubt I'd follow through of these interests, not while I'm married anyway. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but Diana is a pretty horny girl. Judging by the number of Bi and Bi-curious girls I see here, I'm not alone.
There is an old joke: What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years
Is that what I'm experiencing? Am I on a slippery slope? Or am I going through a normal phase of confusion after coming out? Anybody?
[Comment on this post]
A little history.
Samantha November 18th, 2008 7:45 pm MSTIt has been a miserable year. I have suffered from depression since 12. I have always know I was female, but choose to stuff it and say it could never be, but for the last four or five years the female inside me was clawing to get out. In Oct of 07 I was dreading going through another winter. At this point I was drunk as soon as I didn't have to deal with customers, but even that began to slip. Cutting was the norm and even now I have to resist the urge and on occasion sometimes it can't be stop. Suicide was an option and the thought never quite leaves your thoughts, but becomes more fleeting with time. My wife found a rambling note I had written while drunk and confronted me. This got me into my first therapy sessions, but I was still denying my true self. As time went on I was not getting better. I quit drinking, confronted my parents about sexual and physical abuse at the hands of older niehborhood boys. Non of this was helping and I could not deny my feelings any longer and told my wife about Samantha. Within two weeks I was inpatient for suicidal tendencies and depression. After that I have been in an IOP 3 times a week at first and now 2 times a week. I also have a therapist who I do credit with giving me the courage to live. Samantha gets out quite a bit now and I have yet to have a bad experience. The most trouble I have had is from my wife. This is expected, but for someone who loves and cares for me, she is the one who can bring me to the brink everytime. Fortunately my mother is turning out to be the one who is the most accepting and helpfull. I am on a journey and I do not know were it will end. At this point it is srs, but time is funny and no one canpredict the future. I did not think I would ever be here so how can I expect any different from the future of Sammy. May I find a little bit of peace tonight.
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New Profile Picture added
Susan M November 18th, 2008 3:58 pm MSTNew profile picture added. The one I had before for some reason was compressed (squished). Hope this one will be viewable. I don't like being squished.
[Comment on this post]
A slippery slope?
Diana Collins November 17th, 2008 6:58 pm MSTThe first two questions my wife asked me when I came out to her were:
1) Do you want to be a woman?
2) Are you gay?
I answered no to both questions, and I believe that was the truth, but I'm not feeling confident. I may have been saying what I want to believe is true, rather than what is true.
I don't hate my male body. In fact, at times I love it. But I prefer to be Diana whenever I can. I rush home to have a chance to dress as Diana. I don't get aroused by doing this, I feel peaceful and calm. It feels right.
When I'm dressed as Diana, I don't feel like a guy in a dress, I feel like a woman. When I'm Diana, I wish I had breasts, and wide hips, and a vagina, and long hair, and a contralto voice. But I don't think I want to give up being a guy either. What I'm not sure about is do I really want to keep being a guy or do I want to keep what the guy gives me - a wife, a home, and a career? I don't know the answer to that one.
Diana is also, like her male alter ego, straight. Of course, that means that as Diana I'm interested in men. I'm enraptured by the idea of a man holding me, kissing me. The smell of his after shave, the stuble of his beard. These things fascinate me. I doubt I'd follow through of these interests, not while I'm married anyway. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but Diana is a pretty horny girl. Judging by the number of Bi and Bi-curious girls I see here, I'm not alone.
There is an old joke: What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years
Is that what I'm experiencing? Am I on a slippery slope? Or am I going through a normal phase of confusion after coming out? Anybody?
[Comment on this post]
Slippery Slopes?
Diana Collins November 17th, 2008 6:38 pm MSTThe first two questions my wife asked me when I came out to her were:
1) Do you want to be a woman?
2) Are you gay?
I answered no to both questions, and I believe that was the truth, but I'm not feeling confident. I may have been saying what I want to believe is true, rather than what is true.
I don't hate my male body. In fact, at times I love it. But I prefer to be Diana whenever I can. I rush home to have a chance to dress as Diana. I don't get aroused by doing this, I feel peaceful and calm. It feels right.
When I'm dressed as Diana, I don't feel like a guy in a dress, I feel like a woman. When I'm Diana, I wish I had breasts, and wide hips, and a vagina, and long hair, and a contralto voice. But I don't think I want to give up being a guy either. What I'm not sure about is do I really want to keep being a guy or do I want to keep what the guy gives me - a wife, a home, and a career? I don't know the answer to that one.
Diana is also, like her male alter ego, straight. Of course, that means that as Diana I'm interested in men. I'm enraptured by the idea of a man holding me, kissing me. The smell of his after shave, the stuble of his beard. These things fascinate me. I doubt I'd follow through of these interests, not while I'm married anyway. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but Diana is a pretty horny girl. Judging by the number of Bi and Bi-curious girls I see here, I'm not alone.
There is an old joke: What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years
Is that what I'm experiencing? Am I on a slippery slope? Or am I going through a normal phase of confusion after coming out? Anybody?
[Comment on this post]
Updated Profile Photo
Susan M November 17th, 2008 11:54 am MSTI updated my profile photo. The first one was just too dark. This one is fresh off the press and much lighter.
[Comment on this post]
Slippery Slopes?
Diana Collins November 17th, 2008 8:33 am MSTThe first two questions my wife asked me when I came out to her were:
1) Do you want to be a woman?
2) Are you gay?
I answered no to both questions, and I believe that was the truth, but I'm not feeling confident. I may have been saying what I want to believe is true, rather than what is true.
I don't hate my male body. In fact, at times I love it. But I prefer to be Diana whenever I can. I rush home to have a chance to dress as Diana. I don't get aroused by doing this, I feel peaceful and calm. It feels right.
When I'm dressed as Diana, I don't feel like a guy in a dress, I feel like a woman. When I'm Diana, I wish I had breasts, and wide hips, and a vagina, and long hair, and a contralto voice. But I don't think I want to give up being a guy either. What I'm not sure about is do I really want to keep being a guy or do I want to keep what the guy gives me - a wife, a home, and a career? I don't know the answer to that one.
Diana is also, like her male alter ego, straight. Of course, that means that as Diana I'm interested in men. I'm enraptured by the idea of a man holding me, kissing me. The smell of his after shave, the stuble of his beard. These things fascinate me. I doubt I'd follow through of these interests, not while I'm married anyway. I don't want to cheat on my wife, but Diana is a pretty horny girl. Judging by the number of Bi and Bi-curious girls I see here, I'm not alone.
There is an old joke: What's the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual?
Answer: Two years
Is that what I'm experiencing? Am I on a slippery slope? Or am I going through a normal phase of confusion after coming out? Anybody?
[Comment on this post]
GOOBLE GOOBLE GOOBLE-Some November Thoughts !
Karen Reeves November 16th, 2008 10:00 pm MSTHi Everyone!
I hope that all of you have a great Thanksgiving. We all have, though it may not seem that way many times, so much to be thankful for. The next time you get down emotionally remember that things could be a whole lot worse. Many people are in that predicament.
Don't each too much turkey!
*Kisses*
~Karen~
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