URNotAlone

It must be love

February 29th, 2008 4:20 pm MST

But what is love? is it attraction, desire, heart stopping need? Is it the comfort of chocolate chip cookies and warm milk? Is it having someone you can call at 3am to bail you out of jail or is it the flowers you got on valentines day? All of us have a definition but some things are universal.

Love is the feeling inside you that overwhelms your senses. It captivates you and brings you unending joy. It is a peaceful brook or a calm meadow. The storm of passion, the fire in your eyes. That smoldering desire to hold someone close. In their absence you feel sorrow and pain. Your heart races when you hear their name, they are the candle that carries your flame. so subtle so muted always present within your mind. Those fond memories of forgotten times.

I love the color pink, in all its varied shades. Fuchsia, baby, hot, soft, bubblegum and on and on. Pink excites me. it fills a void, a need I have. It makes me a woman, a girl who is soft and feminine. I am gentle and tender, as many of you know I'm quite sweet. I care deeply about my sisters here perhaps more than some yet much less than others. Each of my columns has a purpose, a point. Droll on occasion, yet always written with love for you my sisters.

We are a special breed, unique in flavor. our dimensions are infinite but our tastes so similar. Big hair for some white lace for others. Our makeup done our purses ready. The clack of our heels echo in unison. A coy giggle, with the flip of long blond hair. With our long red talons, buyer beware. Red satin sheets upon our bed. To join us there you must first get in our head.

What is it you love? do you know or are you in love with love. You seek out others who like yourself love feminine traits, is it our mannerisms, or our grace. The delicate movement of girls like us. We live in a world of color with such varied hues.
 
Why do you love us? Do you not have no outlet, is your world devoid of color so bleak it stifles you. You lie awake at night do you choke on the darkness. As you stroll through life do you miss the ruffles of a filmy white blouse, the subtle round silhouette of a ever so tight skirt. Your eyes strain at the sea of denim and sweatshirts that assault your senses. Do you long for a time when a girl proudly donned her poodle skirt and bobby socks.

As amazing as it may seem that is why your here. You love the feminine image. You so love it so much that you came here to seek us out. You curious reader, Love us. More than you can admit. It causes you shame and you feel dirty when you admit the truth. It causes you pain so you lie to yourself. We know what you do as you sit there alone, staring at our photos causing yourself to moan.

As I ramble about what each of us considers an ideal of love, a goal post of desire. I'm struck by why so many are fearful of love. They dread and loathe their desire to love. They betray themselves and insult those they cherish. Some may read this missive and think me daft, perhaps assuming I speak for them; but do I. Is it no less sincere to define that which you seek. In an effort to attain it to posses it outright and without malice. You want to possess us, to have us, to enthrall us with your wit. Yet you tread so timidly. Your insecurity betrays your every word.

You have so little to say about yourself but you love us. You struggle to describe your need for us but you love us. You dread being found out for loving us. You sit with rapt attention in the hopes that we will succumb to your advance. Yet your attempt is so frail. Are you so fragile that only those who brave ridicule and humiliation can give you strength. Girls can be so cruel sometimes and I am going to be cruel.

I do this with love, I will defame you and humiliate you, chide you, and abuse you. Why? Because I love you too. I know you love me, why else would you stare at my picture. I know you think of me and imagine our conversations. It plays in your mind like a phonograph, you conquer me in your dreams, you stare at your monitor and imagine what we will do together. Sadly it will never happen, you have no courage nor ability to draw my attention. Your so utterly clueless, you don't even know how to say hello. Civility is lost on you. you hide in your basement pretending to talk to me but never do.

Every attempt you make is taken from a playbook that has never worked. You imagine your self as Don Juan yet you speak like Tiny Tim. You profess a desire that is so phony and far fetched. It shows you've read to many comic books. Which I do love. I can also tell you why, yet you can not. My digital personality is no different from my physical one. You have no personality. A meager dilitant on the grand stage.

You have few friends if any, and hide behind a wall of shame. You are so ashamed to love me, so full of wretched disdain for wanting me. I embarrass you because I captivate you. I easily capture your attention but you do so little to keep mine. I pity your soul because you are afraid to love me. You falsely assume that I will love you back. I love the attention of a real man, not you little trolls. Oh I trust in your desire, just nothing more.
 
No gentleman presumes a lady is his. He seduces her with wit and charm. He will court her and regale her with his stories of adventure, with the hope of making her blush. His manner is apparent he need not state his intent. He knows a lady will accept his advances. His personality will make her swoon, it will make her lust, it will make her his to possess. I regret that you lack all the  aforementioned. I am sad, I really am. You see real men love themselves first. Without that they can never love me.

With all the hate you feel and contempt for your own shortcomings is it any wonder why you sit alone. Hiding from your desire, infatuated by a fantasy. You see my dear you can never love me. You are far to busy despising me for what I make you feel inside. Consumed by fear of what others may think you hide in the shadows, you have no profile you have no name. A life filled by abject shame. You want me so badly you will claim anything, sweet little lies are just part of your game.
 
Your rich, your famous, you know lots of people. I know you love me and every girl here, just not in the light of day, lest you be thought queer. Your love is so vast that we need to make haste. Your wife will be home soon or you have a another date. You love me isn't it obvious, you've said it so many times before. When shall we meet and in which dark alleyway. I am just a plaything your amusement your shamful folly. Anytime any place as long as your friends don't find out. You'll do anything to prove your love for me is real. As long as there is no witness, no trace nor tracks to point out your wickedness.

why not write me a letter with more than four words, dazzle me with your seductive prose. Tell me why you fancy me so. That's far to much of me to ask of you, I know...
 
I should not expect anything from you, you love me and that is all. You twist yourself into a knot, the desire for me makes you so hot. I excite you in ways no woman can but the self loathing was not part of your plan. I know you don't want to hate yourself more but being a coward evens the score. You always have an excuse a preplanned lie. You didn't have time, you just don't know why.
 
You are a house of glass with no depth. I can see right through you, you have no color or hue. Alas I have my color and it is true. Do you know what it is, do you even remember do you even care. You love me but you don't know the answer you have to go look quickly to avoid my wrath. I already know you have forgotten.
 
It's OK, really. It must be love....