URNotAlone

My life now, such as it is

June 16th, 2007 10:21 am MDT

My life has been crazy these last two months. I’ve had a real love/hate relationship with school lately. Every day I’m more convinced that I made the right decision when I decided to go into nursing. The flip side is that the program I’m in is an accelerated program. The program puts two years of classes and clinicals (work in the hospital) into one calendar year. It’s a serious strain on my classmates and my sanity. The pressure, stress, and exhaustion are almost unbearable. Thank God, it’s almost over.  Transition is proceeding well. I’ve only been on hormones since February, and I’ve seen some very noticeable changes. I’ve had to buy baggy shirts to hide the breast growth. It’s not like I’m even a full A cup yet, but if I wear a tight t-shirt they are very noticeable. I’ve also noticed changes in my hair, skin, and fat distribution. And for those of you that might have fantasies about well hung TS’s, I’ve also noticed some significant but expected changes there also. It doesn’t bother me, because at some point I’m planning to have that part of me disappear anyways. Sorry guys; fantasy isn’t reality.  On that note, I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between fantasy and reality. I often get comments from CD’s on how cool it must be to be TS, and experience the changes that come with hormones and surgery. On one hand they’re right, it is cool. But on the other hand, I don’t think it’s cool in the way they think it’s cool. For TS’s it is cool because it’s like a pain they have experienced all their lives stops hurting. It’s cool, because it’s a relief from that pain. CD’s on the other hand interpret “cool” as exciting or enticing. Sorry girls, but day to day it’s not all that exciting.   What is exciting (and scary) is that I’m getting on with my life. I’m accomplishing goals that I thought were impossible to attain, and overcoming hurtles that I thought were insurmountable. Life hasn’t been easy, and I don’t expect it to get any easier, but I’ve survived. That in and of itself is a victory.