URNotAlone

Fiona’s blog :

This is a strangely difficult entry for me. Words have always come easily to me, letting me find just the right phrase to express myself. This time, I find myself at a bit of a loss (she says, suddenly realizing this could be a particularly long entry!). After all, how does one describe an event which still has me shaking my head in faint disbelief?

Like most women, I always fantasized about meeting "The One," falling in love and getting married. Unlike most however, I never believed it would happen in reality.

Thanks to my not-so-common background, I could never understand what it was to truly love someone, care for them more than anything else. When my parents had to put our dog down, I was in college and it was simply a fact to me that Max had been there when I left, but was gone next time I came home. I had no tears for him then (so I shed them now, in retrospect), and simply moved on with my life.

So it was that I came to this point in my life with little experience of genuine human connection. I can't say 'no' experience, since I've been getting an immersion course lately, but very little of the kind of connections and experience that most women grow up with. Thus I didn't really understand what it might mean to someone that I was simply, openly and honestly myself, all the time. I didn't realize how refreshing that attitude might be to a person looking for a deep and genuine connection themselves.

I suppose it also didn't help matters that I laughed at his jokes (yes, and smiled at the ones I'd heard before), found his conversations interesting and shared a sincere and newly revitalized (on my part, at least) faith with him.

When he began to talk about his feelings for me, I discovered that (to my surprise) I had similar affections towards him. That would have been quite enough of a revelation to make my year, believe me. Simply to realize that I could feel this way about anyone was a profound though very pleasant shock.

He just couldn't leave well-enough alone, though. Over time, he gave me a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, an ear to bend, and a sense of sincerity so absolute it would have turned the head of a courtesan. So I guess it's my own fault then that our feelings for each other grew in proportion. I didn't realize this, of course. I thought he was just being himself and I'd have a best guy friend forever.

Then he went and did it. Out on the dance floor, right in front of a Sunday night 'crowd', he goes down on his knee and proposes, to me!

Shock? Oh yes. Awe? You bet! That anyone would be so fond of me is a dream come true. Even more shocking? I didn't even hesitate before saying 'Yes'. I just had to remember how to speak, is all. It suddenly hit me in that timeless millisecond that in fact I loved this man, too; truly loved him in a way I never had before, and was willing, nay, thrilled, to accept his proposal without reservation.

So here I am, engaged to a man I dearly love, but still in that dizzy, 'did this really happen?' state that accompanies major shocks. I know it did really happen, and I know what comes next won't be nearly as easy as saying yes. But you know what? I don't care. We'll face the challenges, and make a life for ourselves, together.

Fiona Ward Phoenix, Arizona ● 2008

Cecil’s comment :

My Dear Loved Fiona…

I will not do a disservice to my Deep Love for you by attempting to express in mere words my devoted Love for You ... Fiona My Dear Love.

I will say I truly cherish every precious word you wrote here expressing Your genuine love for me….

We are indeed the pure definition of Soul Mates …

In the darkness of the Universes … we each had the courage to look to the heavens …. Looking for our complement ‘Star’ … Without regard for the danger of not looking down to see where we were traveling… Choosing to live as our own True Soul, and not the role others would write for us and others… We Took ‘The Leap of Faith’.

The reward was as God provided. I saw Your Light in The Heavens… And had the faith to move ever closer… and as I did was again rewarded by Our God… I was allowed to see ‘In You’ and saw... felt… Your Soul…

Then the miracle happened… You were in the same state of acceptance. You Looked inside me… all the way to my truest Soul.

I feel sure what happened then was the same that took place in the beginning of creation… and continues to do so in the evolution of God’s grand plan. ‘We became Us’… Without losing ‘Ourselves’ … we combined the component we are to become the Whole ‘Us’. The Marriage God had wanted when he created each of our Souls.

We are The Marriage Of our Souls… Not a blend… rather the completion of Our Whole. (Gosh… what would I had said if I did try and use mere words? : )

All my devotion and Love to You Fiona… … My Wife of all my Past, Present and Future Life’s.

Cecil Sparks Phoenix, Arizona ● April 2008