Jennifer Keane
"Happy To Be Here"
Journal Entries for Jennifer Keane
I Had A Dream. (OK AbbA Was Have A Dream)
August 17th, 2008 5:16 am MST
Finally I have time to sit at this keyboard and write and tell you what happened after my last journal entry, I have been composing it in my mind since, and in my head its all very clear, I hope can convey the story to you. A quick recap first. Sitting at home with and wife and her sister recently, I got the impression that my wife had told Debbie about me being a CD , because after a few drinks Debbie suggested we could have house party and watch Mamma Mia the movie. As it is a chick flick only girls could go to the party, but if it was fancy dress, I could go then. And although she never suggested directly that I should dress as woman, neither did she suggest any male based outfits. To say I was floored by what happen that night would be an understatement. I was sure I was out. But I could not take the chance and say yes “I will dress up and go to the party”, first I had to figure out had my wife shared my secret with her sister? It was possible; we are very close to her. If she had told Debbie, I would be delighted I would love her to know, but my wife has always been very protective of my CDing, and won’t even take a picture of me. So I reasoned rather than take what I perceived as an opportunity to come out, I would do what I had done in the past on the odd occasion when someone would suggest at Halloween that “you should go as a Woman” or when watching a movie or TV and there is a Girl who turns out to be Guy, and they say “Would’ve it be fun to make you up like that”. I would always pretend that I had no interested or did not hear them. There was no opportunity later that night or next morning for me to speak to wife. I went to work and wrote my last journal entry. I could not think of anything else all morning and had to go home at lunch time to find out did she tell Debbie? So straight in the door and nothing is said, I wait a little still no comment , I had to ask “what hap pent last night? “ She looked puzzled, “Does Debbie know about my dressing up? you told her didn’t you?” . A bit too quickly she said “Of course not I’m never going to tell anyone about that”. To me this was the wrong answer, because I wanted to be out, and how else do you explain last night’s conversation. “But, but, but”, I told her all my reasons why I thought what I did. She dismissed them and said that Debbie did not mean anything by what she said. I had taken it all the wrong way. I was disappointed; I so wanted it to be true, at least I had the dream for a few hours. I still hope that someday that something like this will happen to me, and maybe next time someone suggests that I dress up I should say “Yes I ‘d love too”.
Mamma Mia
August 8th, 2008 10:11 pm MST
I just had to write this entry for myself and I hope you enjoy reading it too. The strangest thing happened last night, and all day I have been trying to make sense of it, my mind has being racing at a rate of a mile a minuet struggling to understand was I outed ? , has a friend stumbled upon my secret desire? And is ready to accept me? Let me start by reminding you of my position, I am a str8 CD whose wife knows and is accepting up to a point. That is to say up to now , she will allow me dress and just as long as it is in the privacy of our own home and no one else ever finds out about this awful secret. Yesterday my wife, at my prompting had been to town and bought me a new pair of court shoes for my wardrobe, and there was a plan that I would have spent the evening as my fem. self. However, at around 5 pm the plan had to be shelved as her sister Debbie phoned to say she was in town and would be coming to stay tonight. Debbie is a travelling sales person and stays with us every time she’s in town. I did not mind, as sisters, there very close to each other and I’m happy to see my wife have a good time. So we all have dinner together and afterwards settle down for a few drinks and a chat, like so many times before. The conversation flowed and we got to a point where I said to my wife.” we must go to the cinema soon and see Mamma Mia the summers hit movie” which I thought was would be nice night out for us. “You can’t go to that “my wife said, she knew by the look on my face I did not know why?” it’s a chick flick”. Was the reason she gave. Before I could disagree, Debbie pipes in “Yes, it’s only all women that are going to see that, it’s a girl’s night out thing” the still puzzled look on face must have been mistaken for disappointment. By Debbie. “Tell you what well do “she adds “Bring your projector and big screen to my house and we’ll watch it on DVD, we can have a party, and have my friends in, you can dress up, we’ll all dress up it will be a fancy dress”. In the split second it took my face to go red, my tlife flashed before me. Has my wife told her? Were the favourite women in my world giving me the green light to join there wonderful fem. world. “You should dress up? “She asked, I’m still too shocked to speak. “You would be the only guy there but we could tell the others you have to stay to look after the projector and we dressed you up, would you do it?” I glanced over at my wife, expecting support, but all she did was continue to smile at me. At this point the conversation was about 30 seconds old, What was being suggested? .The only thing I could come up with was my wife had told Debbie about my cross-dressing, and my desire to have a night out in a gang as one of girls. I had to figure out the key point of this very quickly. It was to be a fancy dress party, no problem there. You can dress up. Was Debbie saying I could come as Jennifer? You should dress up. Was Debbie saying this is your chance to come out? We dressed you up. You can pick out your own cloths , do your hair and makeup and well say we did it? This was the only explanation I could come up with. I was in mind overload and need to get out of this fast. I must be getting to wrong somewhere, I decided to try get some thinking time by saying “Mamma Mia is not out on DVD yet” to whitch Debbie replied “, why don’t you both come to my house Saturday night, and we can have practice run ?”. I said I was due to work this Sunday, “try and get off we should really do this”. I left the room to get another drink for them and when I returned the conversation had moved on, but Debbie did remind us of Mamma Mia night before we went to bed ,and again as she was leaving this morning. Just had to tell this story.
Thoughts
July 4th, 2008 2:58 am MST
Its amazing how time is slipping by, its been 2 years since I had a new photograph to post even though I went shopping in January. I guess all I,m doing here now is trying to write something intresting. You see I love being a part of our comunity, and having freinds here. Its alway great to see the updates from existing members and then the new ones who join. I have so many thoughts spinning around in my head but I,m not able express them through my writing , I guess thats why I enjoy reading other girls stories so much. because in them I can always find a small part of me. So to all of you who have the gift of communication , please keep writing. HUGZ
Things I needed
January 20th, 2008 5:30 pm MST
Hi I finally got to go to a shop that caters for grls like us, and buy some of the things neded. I went to Doreens fashions in London , and wow what an experience. The staff were wonerful, they were so freindly and helpful with the proper advice for someone like me who up to now never had proper foundation wear. I bought breast forms, padded panties and of course a waist nipper. I also treated myself to a new wig and some dermablend. Ive not have a chance yet to try my new shaped body with full make up and cloths yet , but earlie trails look promising, and thanks to the help given in Doreens everything is a perfect fit.Regards to all Jennifer
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