URNotAlone

FRIENDS

December 23rd, 2011 1:23 am MST

For many of us this is a time of year when we look back, and forward, to take stock of our lives and give thanks for the things that enrich them. For me that would include the friends I have here and elsewhere online, especially as Robyn, because this is the only place I am known that way outside the home. That means we share things I share with no one else, except my wife. And even she doesn’t know a lot of what binds most of us here, namely our shared transgender experience. And that often goes to the very core of our being.

 

Now, I realize the depth and duration of online friendships can vary, and that there are different philosophies as to what even constitutes a friendship, each perhaps in its own way legitimate. For me, when I first got on MySpace and subsequently Yahoo 360 and URNA, I tried to limit my friends to people with whom I felt a personal kinship and with whom I tried to keep in touch on a regular basis. Almost from the first that became difficult.

 

How, for example, could I turn down the non-TG female from Russia who wanted to be added to my list when there weren’t all that many asking? (She turned out to have a long-hair fetish.) Or the self-proclaimed lesbian from the UK who later said she was surprised to discover I wasn’t a genetic female like herself but became fascinated with my story? Then there were the ones I would never have sought out on my own (drag artists tend to fall into this category) but whom I had admired for years and couldn’t believe it when they came to me. And so on and so on until I eventually found my definition of “friendship” broadening.

 

(I still generally draw the line at professional escorts, when I know about it, and male admirers. Sure, it’s nice to hear the compliments, and some of the latter can be real charmers. But I really have no interest in them otherwise and don’t want to encourage that kind of attention.)

 

Just the same, while I was there I tried to limit my MySpace friends to around 150. (Even that was more than I could handle in terms of regular correspondence.) And while it was there Yahoo 360 limited our lists to no more than 300 (though I never hit a third of that number). But I can honestly say that nearly everyone at those two sites, and at URNA, has touched me personally in some way. And one place that original philosophy did prevail was my MySpace “Top Friends” list, where the occasional departure was often felt keenly.

 

One of my friends there once likened it to a trailer park, where occasionally you’ll emerge in the morning to find that one of your neighbors has pulled up stakes and vanished during the night. When that happens here, and when I have an e-mail address, I usually shoot them a line to see if they would like to stay in touch that way. And some do, but in my experience not very many.

 

I can understand that. As those of you who’ve read my story know, I did something very similar many years back (I still feel bad about having left so many people in the lurch) and, for all I know, may do so again. Which may make this a good time to say that, if you think you’d like to stay in touch beyond our Flickr/URNA lifespans, you may want to send me YOUR e-mail address. (If you do, I’ll try to respond with mine, but only if we already know one another.)

 

For now, I want to thank all my friends for their patience and support. I haven’t been able to spend as much time here as I’d have liked the last couple of years, partly due to health issues. (This upcoming Christmas/New Year’s is the one I wasn’t supposed to see.) For those who have gone on to other things, in some cases full-time transitioning, I applaud your courage and wish you the very best. (Wherever possible, I hope we can still keep in touch as well.) And for anyone who thinks this sounds like a valedictory, it isn’t, not yet anyway. It does, however, come from the heart, and I hope the same will be true of our future exchanges.

All good holiday wishes, whichever ones you do or don’t celebrate!