URNotAlone

Footprints in the custard

May 22nd, 2007 4:11 pm MDT

well i woke up this morning not wanting a smoke or without a hangover. the days seem to go by slow. plus everyday is exactly the same. i know that when i wake up tomorrow i will still be alone and jobless and the sun will still be in its brilliant warm colors. my family seems to not care and its just not cool how they call me by my genetic masculine name. right now im not at home but im at a friends house. yes, just checking my email. and being annoyed by these little children that need to be brutally beaten to a fucking pulp. i cant stand little children. no. if i had children they would be perfect. anyway i need to stop this shit about children before i get sick. anyway i really need to get outta here. i hate this place pple i know callhome. i wanna just leave and not tell anyone where i am going. just to keep my journal and let him be my only companion. i need to find a boyfriend. someone i could trust and love. some one to call mine and for someone to call me thiers. damn a shit load of stuff has be happening to me. first i get stranded, then robbed, and then jumped by some jealous ugly queens and trannies, whatever they call themselves. it pisses me off that i feel all alone in this. this shit has been going on for like 5 fucking years and i need to get the fuck out of it. and whoever is reading this and thinking to them selves, "o, she sounds suicidal...." fuck U. i am not suicidal, and i am not fatalistic. i just want to go away. and make something of myself. last night i stayed up until almost 5am just thinking. what am i going to do with my life? i havent found the answer to that yet but im pretty sure its prolly around the corner or somthin like dat. oh, what to do, what to do? i guess. i went to go look for a job today and no one wanted to hire me. and its because im a genderqueer. why couldnt i just be normal. i sneak hormones without my family members knowing, im changing my name secretly too. there is only like 4 people who know about this cuz no one else will care. i think god just spent a little more time on me, thats all. oh k. i think im done telling u about things going on with me so im gonna go, but not before i tell you that i am scared of what might happen to me during the next couple of weeks. life is hard. maybe it will be easier if i disappear into the city of Philadelphia, and let her swallow me up. hmmmm i need some comments from u imvu users..... help.Love peace and chicken grease                                                                          Milla Von Teese