URNotAlone

Nonexistence

December 28th, 2007 6:32 pm MST

  As you might guess this is going to be another one of the darker entries. Like most tgs tend to have a bit of a suicidal streak to myself. Do not worry, would never do that. Do not want my parents to know the feeling of what it is like to lose a child. Trust me on this, it is not something you want to wish on your worst enemy. So that leaves out suicide, too much fall out if you did that. Would be much better for nonexistence. But that not going to happen, no mater how hard you pray. Think that is what I wished for every night going to bed since from age of 5 too mid 20s. It was at that time decided to confront Tina, and embase her. So this leaves just dealing with life. This is also the reason why I found I tend not to grief the same as others. Outside of my daughter, cannot recall a furneal where I cried. Mostly because I always felt the deceased where the lucky ones, they left this life and moved on to better things. Now that I am older figure out not everyone has the same feel of despair. One final thought, to give you an idea what I was like as a child. In Kindergarten the teacher asked all the kids what their favorite colors. I was the last one called, and my answer was a bit of a shock to the teacher. I picked black, when asked for a reason. I replied, “No one else picked black. So I figure black was lonely”