URNotAlone

Phlustered in Philly

July 13th, 2007 11:54 pm MDT

   I'm really feeling close to the edge this time.  I've been near the edge before, but never this close.   What am I doing?  Staying up late, night after night, depriving myself of precious sleep, so that I can revel in my vanity?  Neglecting my wife only to find myself in a world that I never knew existed?  Feeling strange and wonderful adolescent sensations from garments and cosmetics that were never intended for my own personal use?  Flirting with men and women whose intentions may be completely different from mine?  Revealing my innermost secret to a heterosexual male friend who I haven't spoken to in such a long, long time?  Hiding my secret from my children, who give me undying, unconditional love, but who also need their father?     To live the man's life is noble, but right now I need to be given the attention that this girl deserves.  It's been so long since I last dressed.  With each passing day since I last dressed, my need to express myself as a girl has intensified.  The desire has burned within me and now I feel the flame which must rise.    I can not get off of this rollercoaster ride, nor do I want for it to stop.  I want it to take me right to the edge.