URNotAlone

Selective Amnesia

July 2nd, 2007 6:57 pm MDT

It was not until I saw the pictures that remembered what had happened. It was a very different kind of evening. It started with EJ's Goodbye Party at DreamGirls. He had told us he wanted us to sit at his table. He said he was inviting the people from his new job at the bank. When Crystal and I walked over after dinner, EJ met us and said he had our seats. He had reserved the entire upper seating area along the side and there were about 15 banker ladies (Banker, not biker, like in nice and straight) ordering food. He walked us behind the tables announcing our names and sat us down with a couple of ladies. He threw introductions around which I promptly forgot. It turns out that the two ladies with whom we had been seated were the two managers in the group and they were not aware that we even knew EJ until Crystal started chatting them up. They warmed up to us, we talked as they ate and drank and drank. All the ladies were eating and drinking: too much food and too much to drink. Just before the show, another 12 ladies show up and would have to stand behind us. They all ordered drinks and shots....lots of shots. We now know where all the Drunk Girls came from that night.

The show was fantastic, of course, and all we girls were having a grand time. The banker ladies were laughing and drinking. EJ was stopping by and delivering them drinks. Crystal and I, knowing how the table service works: one party, one tab, were getting our drinks from the bar. At the intermission, I did my usual ladies room visit, and when I returned a guy we have run into many times and he has been so charming and kind and treated us with such respect that I should remember his name........David???   I know, I should remember his name......but, hey, this is me we're talking about....well, I'm talking....err, writing....          Anyway, he comes up as I walk back to the party and asks me to dance. He has been so nice I can't refuse and all the girls are saying, "Go". So we dance and it is fun.

But, soon we are joined by..............you guessed it, Drunk Girls....I wonder where they came from? And, we're all dancing together.

Then, this hot DG is dancing with me!!!

Suddenly, she steps closer, pushes her leg between mine (pinning my legs with my skirt), wraps her arm around my neck (and wig!!) and leans back. OK…throw your arm out for balance –or- grab your skirt and pull it up to free your legs –or- hold onto your hair?????? And, oh yeah, enjoy the hot girl rubbing herself up against you.

What I want to know is why block out that memory. I knew there were pictures and that I had danced with ..??David???.. but I didn’t remember everything until I saw the pictures.

It was all fun and the girls all wanted to stay and dance with us after the show. But when they got the bill, they all sobered up and went home.

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It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

July 2nd, 2007 9:44 am MDT

For weeks, Crystal had been messing with my mind: Dropping little hints, making vague comments and generally teasing me with anticipation/dread over my impending doom…I mean birthday party at Mo’s. I had visions, lots of visions: of being forced up onto the DreamGirls’ stage, having to make a speech, the Drunk Girl who almost pulled off my wig finally succeeding, will I need waterproof mascara, and being made to be the center of attention. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like attention, I’m just not comfortable with a lot of attention. That’s one of the reasons why I like being Crystal’s friend/sidekick/Dr. Flotsam….she is always the center of attention…and I get to bask in the light, just off to the side. Crystal had a table in the restaurant when I arrived with Rusty and Raven following close behind. Lorraine arrived soon after and the three re-introduced themselves from Crystal’s party. We all fell into relaxed conversation, like old friends, while we ate. Dennis was our waiter, as usual. Rusty really liked him or at least his chest. Alex showed up just as we were finishing our dinner. Tricia stopped by on her way to the show. She had her usual table for 6. Bobby and his friend came over and he announced that they had actually paid to get in. He must like me; he really, really likes me, Ms Fields.

Everybody was hugging me so much I was afraid that they would walk away with half my “face” on their cheek like some Tammy Faye joke. After every hug, I would check to see if I could see “me” all over their cheek. Luckily, it was dark. 

As we found our table for the show, I glanced up and realized the Drunk Girl, who nearly hugged my wig off last week is sitting right in front of us. Before I could panic, Crystal placed a “Birthday Girl” tiara on my head and handed me a birthday present bag. I was so flattered and flustered that I just sat there for a minute all glassy-eyed. Crystal motioned for me to “open it” and I reached into the bag withdrew a doll. She was a chic, young woman in jeans with long auburn hair. My first doll…….all glassy-eyed, again……Even now remembering it.

The show starts and Chad, Jasmine and Morgan performed the opening number. Chad took the live mike and welcomed everyone and did the show introduction. Then she asked if there were any birthdays and “first timers”. There were a couple of birthday boys up front before she noticed my shyly waving Broadway Nails clad fingers in the back ($4.89 at Walmart and the flowers painted on them matched the dress Crystal gave me!). Chad introduced us as her girls and started everyone singing “Happy Birthday”. To my great relief she did her usual banter with everyone else. You know….the spotlight thing.

Chad, Morgan, Jasmine, Pauline (Morgan’s drag mother) and Babette Schwartz were so good. Chad did Cher, Jessica Rabbit and Edward Scissorhands. I could write all night and still fail to adequately describe his talent. You just have to see for yourself.

Halftime: time for a restroom break. All the girls waiting in line were smiling at me….I forgot I was wearing that tiara thingy, until I got to the mirror. Upon my return to the table, I found a cake with my name on it!! Paulina’s first cake…..glassy-eyes, again.

Dancing after the show was great fun. Everyone at our table stayed and we all danced together. Ang (you know, “Han”) showed up with a birthday card for me. I was very touched. He is very sweet to all of us. It was a wonderful birthday party. My favorite one, so far.

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The Big Weekend

June 26th, 2007 9:16 am MDT

Friday, wanting to beat the traffic, I arrived at Evelyn’s in the early afternoon. Much to my surprise there were six tops and a skirt hanging outside my locker. I deduced that this was Crystal’s work and proceeded to try on everything. It all fit!!!!!! I am sooo glad that Crystal is in such good shape (her clothes fit me) and that she loves to shop (she has to get rid of clothes so she can fit the new ones in her lockers). It is like having a big sister! I love all the clothes, but now I can’t fit them all in my locker. I can’t believe that I have gone from a few outfits to overflowing in seven weeks! Well if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the closet……wait that’s how all this started.  

So, of course, I wore one of my new tops! Leona was driving down for Crystal’s party and decided to make a weekend out of it. She called from Oceanside as we were walking over to Top of the Park to meet up with Alex. She would join us for dinner at Lei Lounge……I know almost every week, but we like it there…..and Leona hasn’t been..…and if we have five we can get a cabana.  We found Alex as soon as we arrived at the Top. He was so cute in his fedora, always smiling; he has become a welcome companion anytime he can join us. Top of the Park was cool, no, cold; still too cold, ten stories up on the roof for skirts and thin tops. So, when my shivering bones began making too much noise for us to talk over, we went back inside. We didn’t see many people we knew, but we were having so much fun talking to Alex that we really didn’t cruise, much.

We picked up Teresa at David’s and headed to Lei Lounge. No cabanas were open when we arrived, so we would have to wait a little, but that was OK since Leona was not there, yet, and they won’t seat four in a cabana. We visited with our new friend Nick, the bar manager, and found out he couldn’t come to the party Sunday. When a cabana opened, we four were seated….hey, we’re Celebes….besides, how can you say no to a really tall girl with a really big smile. Leona arrived shortly, looking like a million dollars, not like six hours of driving. I don’t know how she does it.  

This evening’s “Drunk Girl” was a guy!!! He stumbled up, on his wayward way back to the bar and asked if he could sit at the end of the cabana, next to me. I moved my purse and he sat thanking me. After a few seconds, he asked me if I was a TV.     Damn…busted..... perceptive chap. So, I told him I was and he said he was looking for a party. Wahoo!!! I said we were just here for dinner, so he asked where he could find a tranny bar. I told him that SRO was on 5^th, just north of downtown and he thanked me stumbling off mumbling “5^th Avenue”.  By the time we finished eating and met back at David’s, it was midnight. Everyone was tired and we were just starting the Big Weekend, so we decided to call it a night.  

After Crystal changed back to drab and left I decided that I would go next door and visit with Rusty and Raven, who hold court there every Friday. I thought it would be a good idea to visit with them as they are joining us next Wednesday at DreamGirls’ Revue. Walking in, I recognized nobody, but hoped that they were on the patio. Entering the patio, I spotted them. Rusty was surrounded by the boys and we waved to each other as I approached. When the boys all saw me, they all shouted out “Hey”…..that felt wonderful. Rusty asked Raven to put some songs on the jukebox and he took half the boys to go pick songs and dance, while she and I had a really nice chat and a Cosmopolitan.  

Saturday was pretty wild. Crystal, Leona and I had dinner at Arrivederci dressed in appropriate clothing; I went for the secretary look. After dinner, we changed to go dancing. I went for the secretary in the slutty, short skirt look. We were unsure where we were going to go; Bobby was begging us to come to Montage and Tricia said she might be able to get us on the guest list at Rich’s. Just as we were pulling out of the parking lot for Evelyn’s, Alex called and asked what we were doing. We stopped by to pick him up and decided on Montage because Bobby said he would get us all in free.  Of course at 10:30, it was still slow at Montage, but that gave us a chance to show Leona around. We found a new place on the dance floor directly under an A/C vent and waited for the crowd.

When we had first entered the club, some random guy standing there said to Crystal, with great perception and a smile, “Wow, are you taller than me?” She smiled and he kinda flirted with her. Later, while we chatted waiting for the crowd, the random guy passed by and motioned for Crystal to follow him upstairs. He told her that he had a friend for her to meet. They walk up to this buff, hot guy whose shirt he pulls open and grabbing Crystal’s hands, places them on his well defined six-pack and rock hard pecs. Being the lady that she is, she immediately considered removing her hands. She certainly did not want to offend or insult him. So she decided that she should fondle him for awhile out of politeness. I will leave to the reader’s imagination the extent of her good manners. She came downstairs with a big smile on her face and told us she had an amazing story.

The dance floor had filled up, some, so she went straight to the A/C spot and began to dance. I don’t know if she was giving off some kind of a vibe, but after only a short time two girls danced over and started dancing with her. They began fondling her breasts, saying they just had to see what they felt like and what they were made from and yadda, yadda, fondle, yadda. As you can imagine, Crystal was the epitome of politeness, possibly returning a fondle or two.  Amazing story number two.

Tricia showed up as we began to dance and we introduced her to Leona and Alex, who she found very interesting. She brought Espy with her, so we had a crowd of our own, now. So, we danced, danced, danced. Well, they did…your humble scribe, having learned her lesson on Wednesday, sat out every other song and wiggled her toes, and took trips to the Ladies Room to primp, and just walk around the huge club. It is really, really fun, walking around the club (one of just six “girls” in the club), smiling at everyone and feeling all girly. Oh! I just realized: almost everyone in the club was 30 years younger than this girly girl…….Oh well, like my heroine Scarlett says, I’ll think about that tomorrow.

Anyway, as I was flaunting my ass around the club, who should I run into at the rooftop bar but Chad Michaels, Adam Magee (stage manager & costume designer) and some of the bartenders from Mo’s. One of Mo’s boys said he was sooo excited to see me, and I was like “really?” and they all gushed and hugged and kissed my cheeks saying sweet things. I told them that we were all downstairs and to come see Crystal. Then I tottered off, winding my way back down to the group to tell my tale. And soon enough they show up and start waving to Crystal and calling her over (I’m toe wiggling) and they all hug and kiss and the excited boy from Mo’s starts dancing with Crystal. Well, by this time Bobby, the club’s promotion manager, is dancing with us. So, we danced, danced, danced until way late. On the way home, they brought up my toe wiggling and I explained why. Crystal commented that when she “hit the wall”, she just powered through the pain and kept dancing, but she almost didn’t make it to the car. 

Sunday came too soon. Is that a song lyric? I’m so tired. It sounds like a song lyric. Six hours of sleep and two cups of espresso and I’m in the shower and only one nick and the band-aid will be covered by my pants. OMG, I’m going out in the daylight!!!!! Crystal’s Birthday Party is at Mo’s at 3:00. Kim and her friend from LA, Sara, are coming to Evelyn’s at 1:30. Crystal might need me to get the cake. OMG, OMG, I’m running around in circles trying to get to Evelyn’s as soon as possible. Ya know it is probably for the best, too tired to focus too clearly and adrenaline propelling me forward.

I get to Evelyn’s way early and can leisurely dress and chat with Crystal. Everything works out: Kim shows up on time, Teresa is getting the cake, Sara’s changing in her car on the freeway and will be here at 2:45, Larry from next door can lock up after Kim & Sara so I can help greet people at the party, I run into Rich on the way out and say we will see each other at the party, and all of a sudden I am parking my car and paying the fee and walking down the street in the middle of the afternoon!!!!! It feels sooooo good. There is a bounce in my step and elsewhere, if you know what I mean. I’m proud, head held high and confident and tripping over that crack….I’m OK…still confident, just watching my step with my head held high. Right up to Mo’s, saying “hi” to the doormen whom all I know and into the bar, smiling at the looky-loo’s and proceed to the dance floor. Where else would Crystal have a party?

I run into Rich, again, and he reminds me that today is actually the first time he has seen Paulina; we met and saw each other a couple of times, all while I was in drab. We talk for quite a while and he pays me some very nice compliments. I drift over to Rusty & Raven and am enveloped in warmth and acceptance and more compliments ….all of a sudden there are Richard, Antonio, and Alex: more hugs and compliments. Wait......whose party is this? Then, I spot Crystal. She is mobbed; tearing herself away from one adoring crowd to be engulfed by another. She has had less sleep than I, but is like the Energizer Bunny, working the room, smiling and having a grand time. It is definitely her party.

Soon, I see Lorraine from Arizona; she emailed us, out of the blue, at the beginning of the week that she was coming to SD for vacation and would like to go out. Crystal invited her to the party and she showed up! She looks so good, perfectly made up for an afternoon tea, she could go anywhere. We had a nice long talk and got to know one another. I really like her.

Tricia arrived, and then, so did Han (who, interestingly, spells his name “Ang”!! Go figure… oh well, he’s fun to dance with anyway). Then, there was the food…no, the buffet!!! And, the cake….big cake. And all the iced tea we could drink. That was very good…needed the iced tea.

But, too soon the iced tea was losing the battle. I said “Bye” to Crystal and then made my rounds. Alex and Lorraine promised to be at DreamGirls Revue to lend moral support. Tricia already has a table and Rusty & Raven are already coming with us.  

So, I walked out into the afternoon sun, head held high, but with one eye on the cracks.

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See what I found

June 11th, 2007 1:27 pm MDT

I found some videos of the DreamGirls Revue and the MySpace site for Urban Mo's DreamGirl Revue. I posted the videos and this is the link:

http://www.myspace.com/urbanmosdreamgirls

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Friday Fun

June 10th, 2007 9:57 am MDT

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Waxing Philosophically

June 8th, 2007 11:24 am MDT

Wednesday night at Mo's was another stellar performance by the DreamGirls Revue: We saw Dolly and Jack the Pirate (OMG, she looked just like a man!!!); every bad girl of your dreams, on steroids; Marilyn Manson, Cher and Joan Crawford; & a guest artist and Babette Schwartz, who were both fantastic. We met up with our new girlfriend Tricia, who now has a standing reservation like we do.  Lisa from David's joined us, again, and of course, we danced, danced ..... you know the drill by now.  But, now there are pictures. If you are very, very good, I will post a link. 

Cut to "Waxing Philosophically": 

Something happened that made me think (Uh-oh): when I first sat down at our table at Mo's, the bar manager from Lei Lounge (where we are having dinner on Friday--it is definitely a trend) came up to me and introduced himself. He said that he had noticed us going through his bar to the restaurant a number of times and wanted to make sure we felt welcome at his establishment.  I realized that although we had been at Lei Lounge 4 times in 4 weeks, each time we were with a different group of people. I do not believe that he would have noticed us had we not been "dressed". How could you not notice two tall cross-dressers. We had become celebrities, in a minor way.  

I suppose that films like "TransAmerica" and shows like Tyra's America's Next Top TG Model have brought the T-community into the public conscience. And for businesses that are "LGBT friendly", that now includes us. We are becoming Politically Correct!!! 

But, there is more than just that. People in the community are more open...friendly...approachable, when I am dressed. When I am not dressed, I think that they wonder/worry what I will think of a hug, a kiss on the cheek or dancing with/next to me. "Will he be offended?" "What is his 'orientation'"? But, as Paulina, I am non-threatening. I am obviously a "card carrying" (or "dress wearing") member of the community. And, how could a man in a dress possibly be judgmental towards anyone. I think that when Crystal and I are out and about, obviously OUT and proud, we make everyone feel a little better about themselves.  

I say that makes us "heroes"..... Dress as a cheerleader, save the world. 

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And so the story goes

June 4th, 2007 12:03 pm MDT

This past week has been filled with fun. As you well know from previous episodes, Crystal has already made many, many friends in the Hillcrest area. She is vivacious and pleasant to all, engaging in conversation with everyone she encounters. She is so recognizable that she is greeted by people who have previously seen her out and about. As you can see from her pictures, she does Glam, she does Sultry, she does Hot, she does Sweet and Fun, she does Casual, but never inappropriately dressed for the occasion. What Crystal does not do is Stealth. Nobody is confused as to who she appears to be, she is just Crystal. Amazingly, it is the NOT “passing” that puts everyone at ease. She is accepted for who she is and, therefore judged by how she treats people, not how she looks. She attracts people like bees to a flower. The less inhibited (alcohol encourages some of them) they are, the greater their willingness to approach her. And of course, they always receive a gracious welcome.  With that being said, we can get to the important part .........me. I love being Crystal’s sidekick, copilot, wing-girl, how about “flight attendant”…I could get the uniform and the little cap (oh, that dates me), or maybe more appropriate for this venue……Dr Watson, or Dr Flotsam, more accurately (if you know of the Giant Rat of Sumatra, that dates you, too). With Crystal, I can do things and go places I would never have the courage to attempt. And it is always fun and, more and more now, relaxing. I am even pushing some boundaries, well, nudging them a little. On to this week’s episode: Last Saturday, we were joined by Jessika (she does not get out with us enough) and Kimberly Virtue for dinner at Lei Lounge. For those that missed my earlier profile post (or weren’t paying proper attention—there will be a test), Lei Lounge is an upscale, chic (outdoor dining, cabanas, fire pit tables, and fancy, fusion food) restaurant in a nearby neighborhood. All the patrons were dressed nicely, whether “up” or “down”, but nobody else was dressed like us. We had so much fun: Crystal reserved a cabana (she is always surprising me), we ordered a bunch of food to share and talked and took pictures (I put one of us in my profile). Getting to know Kim was a joy. She is so, so sweet. I can see how she is able to go out to truly mainstream places. She looks so innocent and demur, I think the other patrons wondered what that GG was doing with us. After dinner, Kim had to leave us with promises to join us again, soon. The rest of us changed into club clothes and went to Montage, a HipHop/House music club. It has 2 dancefloors & 3 stories; the third is a rooftop restaurant. And it gets really busy late at night. We were joined by or met up with various friends and danced, danced, danced. Whenever I got tired (Crystal never does), I would just park my butt on one of the giant speakers and watch the dancing crowd. When I got overheated, I would go to the roof or one of the “patios” (you have to see this place) to cool down. I really enjoy just walking around and, of course, visiting the Ladies Room to touch up my lipstick and brush my hair. Wednesday was Urban Mo’s for the DreamGirls Revue. We were joined by two GG friends and, of course, half the staff made a point to come by to hug and say hi. The show was fab, Morgan was awe-inspiring and Chad was……words escape me…if you think her “Cher” is good, you have to see her “Baby Jane”. Morgan and Chad are always joined by at least 2 additional performers and guests. It is among the best drag shows I have ever seen. From the moment we entered Mo’s, Crystal and her trusted biographer—moi, were “celebs”, better than Paris and Nichol. It helped that some tipsy girls were seated next to us at dinner. They loved us, the tipsy girls always do. During breaks in the show, they wanted pictures (see profile) and hugs and pictures with hugs (nearly pulling my wig off—that picture you won’t see). And they had to dance with us; everyone wants to dance with Crystal. Two other tipsy girls insisted on getting her autograph (on the blowup horse’s ass they ripped off the ceiling) and stuffing $4 down her top.  Friday and Saturday have run together in my mind but I do remember dinners at Lei Lounge (do I detect a trend) and a new (for me) Thai place and dancing at Montage and Rich’s (my profile pic in the fog), with stopovers at David’s (our favorite coffee shop) and Mo’s to say “Hi”. At Rich’s, some random, large guy was dared by his brothers to come over and dance with us. I was hesitant, but Crystal took it all in stride and made him a hero. I have never seen her intimidated by anyone. She is my heroine. As per usual, throughout the evening, we were greeted and joined by various friends and especially our new best friend, who I may introduce in a future episode.  TTFN, must rest up for Wednesday. Will Flotsam return? Stay tuned.

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The closet only holds my clothes, now.

May 28th, 2007 11:48 am MDT

It has been four weeks since I came out of the closet with the help of Crystal and Jessika. I know, I have been technically out for a few years, but, truly it was all just a bigger closet. I never ventured beyond the confines of TG nites at different bars. I would walk quickly, with head down, avoiding others' eyes, to and from the venue and my car. I was still trapped in the closet of my fears.

My dear friends have shown me that the closet is not physical, it is a mindset.

I have been growing so fast that it is sometimes difficult to process all the feelings and not have it all overload my mind. But, it is "all good".

I have realized that we are all on the same journey and we all want and need to go all the way. The end of this journey is not transition; it is acceptance, personal and public.

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Out with the girls

May 3rd, 2007 2:31 am MDT

It was soooo fun. Crystal and Jessika took Leona and I to Mo's in Hillcrest, stopping by David's to introduce us to their friends. We had a great dinner and then attended the fantastic Dreamgirls Revue. OMG, Chad Michaels was unbelievably good and the rest of the cast were not overshadowed, in the least. They all were so talented. After the show they literallly cleared the floor for dancing. Of course we danced till the wee hours.

I felt wonderful and relaxed most of the time. The best thing is that the wonderful feeling lasted long after I returned to drab. I can't wait till Friday.

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