My Mini Autobiography
January 2nd, 2008 1:49 pm MST
Gini MacRae (San Diego, CA) My name is Virginia (Gini) Marie MacRae and I’m from sunny Southern California, in the North County area of San Diego to be exact. A girl isn’t supposed to give away her age, but I’ll make an exception in this case and tell you that I am every bit of 53! I was born in San Diego, CA in September of 1954, even though I list Gini’s birthday as April 1 on the Internet in the interest of having a little fun with April Fool’s day. I’m fortunate enough to be relatively small (WISH I were smaller!) at 5’ 8” and 158#. I can wear a size 12 dress, size 9 shoes, and I can get into 29” Levis. If it weren’t for my shoulders, I could probably wear a size 10 dress. I can’t tell you EXACTLY when I became acutely aware of “the girl inside,” but I do know that there was a catalyst and a seminal event in my young girlie life at the age of nine. My dear Mother had taken something of mine away from me (I don’t even remember what!) and I was convinced that she’d hidden it in her dresser. Well, the first drawer that I opened was her lingerie drawer! I didn’t find what I was looking for, but Pandora’s Box was opened wide! I discovered a beautiful powder blue Vanity Fair panty girdle, complete with garters, and something powerfully drew me to it, I touched it, took it from the drawer, and I HAD to try it on! And try it on I did! Intuitively (from having spent time watching my Mother dress and do her makeup at her vanity), I knew that a beautiful woman always wore stockings! I found a pair of “real” nylons in her drawer and I knew exactly how to attach them to the garters. At that moment, I KNEW that I would spend the rest of my life craving and enjoying the luxuries of femininity. As a youngster, I was always drawn to femininity even though I did the typical GB things like play football and baseball, watch wrestling on television, and enjoy the usual boy hobbies. But I was very curious about “girl things” and I would watch enviously as the girls in my class became old enough to wear bras, nylons, and high heels. I really felt that those “rights of passage” should have been my privileges too! As a teenager, I “owned” (make that borrowed) many items of lingerie from my Mother’s dresser. She never let on that she knew, but she HAD TO KNOW when a pretty nylon negligee went missing for days and days! As a young lady, I enjoyed sleeping in layered tricot negligees and --to this day—I treasure the nights that I can spend in bed with my body bathed in layers of sheer nylon! At the age of 20, I made the classic TG mistake of getting married to my high school girlfriend, thinking that my love of and desire to express my femininity would diminish! But, as Rocky the Squirrel says to Bullwinkle the Moose, “But that trick never works!!!” And it didn’t! We were married 8 years before the opportunity presented itself for an amicable “parting of the ways.” I married again ten years later, and while my new wife knows about my transgender side and TRIES to accept it, she has not been and will likely never be willing to see me as Gini, let alone participate in that aspect of my life. So, Gini typically gets to come out only when I have the opportunity to travel and visit Karen at Femme Fever (New York) or Amy at Glamour Boutique (Las Vegas) or the fabulous Stephanie Williams (Las Vegas) who did my latest glamour session with me modeling my VERY short Bebe mini dress! My public outings have all been in Las Vegas. I remember the first time like it was yesterday! That incredible memory of walking into the old Elvis! club on Sahara Boulevard and spending the evening in the company of Amy and her friend Sheila is one that I will treasure forever! I have always been drawn to pretty dresses, nylons, and high heels. I enjoy the process of making myself look pretty … from choosing the right lingerie, to my clothes, my makeup, my hair, and my nails. The ritual of transformation is powerful to me! There’s a definite magic to it that makes me really feel like I “belong,” that the woman I become is the woman I truly am. When I see my face and my smile in my glamour photos, I see a happiness and contentment that I NEVER see in my GB pictures, I’ve got to say that my feminine experience has covered many aspects of the so-called “gender continuum.” As a young lady, I would probably have been classified as a crossdresser, even though I was always drawn to the thought and desire to BE a woman! I’m definitely more to the transgender side of the continuum at this point in my life, although given my relationship status and the fact that there’s a darling little daughter in our family, I will probably have to compromise and not go down the road of transition unless something unforeseen happens. But, having said all that, mentally I’m more and more drawn to an intense inner knowledge that I SHOULD BE a woman! I “tolerate” my natural gender, and that’s about it. When I am intimate with my wife, it’s impossible for me not to think of wearing what the girls would call their “f*ck me clothes!” I long to have big, beautiful, and full breasts. I dream about being a girl “between my legs.” But I KNOW that there’s no way I will ever be able to enjoy physical contact with a GB! So I guess I’m happily trans-lesbian!!! As for 2008, I have many “goals” for Gini, some reachable, some probably not reachable! I would like to walk down the Las Vegas strip as Gini and go into Wynn or Bellagio and “fit right in.” I would like to pose for glamour shots in a wedding dress. I would like to do a lingerie modeling session/photo shoot. I would like to compete in a transgender beauty pageant. I would like to share Gini with some of my closest friends. I would like to wear a strapless dress and look good in it. I would like to wear a baby doll top and tight fitting jeans and look good in them! I would like to feminize my breasts. I would like to start hormone therapy. I would like to explore SRS! Happy New Year and blessings to YOU, my dear girlfriends! Gini MacRae (ginigirl@cox.net)
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