URNotAlone

Old Goats ... 39 Forever

March 11th, 2007 7:12 pm MDT

Recently I stumbled upon a yahoo profile of an attractive blonde genetic woman who I thought was in her 30's.  I looked at her age: 99.  Hot damn, I thought to myself.  I wish I looked half that good when I reached 99, not that I would ever make it that far.  She must have one heck of a plastic surgeon.

"Oh, she's not 99," said Biff.  *Not 99?*   "She obviously doesn't want to reveal her real age."   *Well why would anyone not tell their real age?*    Biff stared at me wide eyed.  "C'mon, haven't you ever heard of teenage kids saying they were 21 just to buy beer?  Y'know...fake ID's." .... 

Age Inflation.  Come to think of it I did ponder running for president of the United States when I was 15 only I knew it would be hard to look 35 even with a fake ID.  I guess age inflation had its limits.  Still, (as an old goat of 46) people said I looked "good for my age."  I wondered if I changed myself to "56" would I then look great for my age?

"You should just change your profile to 39," said Biff.   *But I'm 46.*   "So what.  No one will know the difference."   *Oh no?!  Well, I would know the difference.*   "Yeah but no one else will.  Think of the possibilities.  Guys will be hitting on you left and right."   *But I'm not into guys.*   "Well I don't know what it is but when you turn 40, people start thinking of you as OLD."   It sounded ominous, like some sort of death sentence.   "Besides, you gotta stand up to the younger generation of tgals." 

Age Deflation.   "Heck, how many gals give their real age anyway?" said Biff. *All of them, right?*   "You're not the brightest bulb on the planet, are you?  You can't tell me you don't know at least ONE person who finagled their age a bit.  Watcha' been smoking???"

Spooky.  I did.  Around five years ago I took a ts gal out to Jacques for her birthday.  This Person In Question (CHAOS) told me she was about five years younger than me making her (at the time) 35 or 36.  I never thought that much about it except that CHAOS had a substantial amount of grey hair under that wig.  Fast forward four years.  I was at a small party and (somehow)  CHAOS became the topic of discussion.

"I know CHAOS's real age" said Annie. (a pseudonym)  *Really?!*  'Yeah, I heard her mentioning her date of birth on the phone."  *How do you know it was her real date of birth?* (wink, wink)  "She was talking to the Registry of Motor Vehicles."  Oh.  Extrapolating her date of birth meant that CHAOS was actually three years older than me.  And to think that all this time I thought I had been helping out a "younger" sister.  Eerie, as CHAOS had been lying to everyone about her age, (and a lot of other things)  not just the online world.  (Disclaimer: CHAOS does not have a profile on this site.  I don't want anyone to think I'm pointing the finger at anyone here.)

So what now?  To be 39 ... or not to be 39... that was the question. Heck, why stop at 39?  Why not 36? 32? 22! (Oh please)

"You know what they do to animals that have outlived their usefulness," said Biff.  "They put 'em out to pasture.  That's why you're thirty-something as far as I'm concerned.  Always have been.  Always will be." 

No thanks, Biff.  I'm 46, an old goat and proud of it.  So let the tg police in the white coats come and just try to take me away!  I'm ready for them.  Now where was that acorn crop I was supposed to gather???